ManBird 0 #1 January 4, 2003 Table of Contents 1. I got stuck on a fire escape 2. Went to a HP Lovecraft theme party 3. Felt-up anonymous body 4. Kicked a girl in the chest Chapter 1 I left my keys at home on New Year's Eve. The building in which I work is secured in a way that when it's locked up, you can't get in or out. Even the elevator locks. I was the last one there, and everything was locked. I called Allison and had her looking for my keys. She couldn't find them. I couldn't reach anyone else that could help me leave. I decided to just take the fire escape and have Allison pick me up. I set the alarm, go out the window onto the fire escape, walk all the way down, and find that there's no ground extension ladder thing. The building is about 100 years old, and I think that this is the original fire escape. I was about twenty-five feet up on this very unstable, rusted piece of metal. Being in downtown on New Year's Eve, it wasn't too difficult for Allison to gather several police and fire vehicles. It took quite some time to convince these various officers that I did not need a rescue crew, just the huge ladder hanging from the side of the fire truck would suffice. But they felt compelled to let a crowd gather and act like me clmbing down a ladder would make them heroes. I said, "thanks", and took off very quickly. I didn't need a lecture from some cop with a moustache. People get stuck on fire escapes, right? Chapter 2 I wanted to go to either Seattle or Vancouver. Get on the train and get away for a bit. But the fire escape incident delayed me somewhat, so I let Allison talk me into going to her friend's New Year's Eve party. Turns out that this was a HP Lovecraft theme party. To really fit the theme, we basically just went as dorks. I was actually very impressed by the work that went into the thing. It was at some weird guy's house in Northeast Portland. They really went off on the artwork and transforming the whole place into Cthulhu's lair. And many of the costumes were Hollywood-quality. Nerds. It was packed like crazy, the music was good, and I ended out having fun. Chapter 3 This party featured a large box where bold (aka drunk) chicks would strip down, dance around, and let people reach through small holes and touch them. I partook. My particular victim was this really hot, slutty chick that felt nicer than she looked. I reached in, and immediately had a tit cupped. That my girlfriend also felt her up was all the hotter. Chapter 4 There was a pole in main dance area. Later on in the night, some slutty drunk girls were doing stripper-style pole dancing with it. Some guys were just screwing around and being goofy with it, and I was one of them. Don't ask why, but at one point in my life, I actually spent time figuring out how to hang upside from a vertical pole and flip off of it. I thought I'd give it a shot again. I was dancing like a dork around this pole, then swung around, grabbed high up on it, and got inverted. Now before I did this, I checked to make sure no one was near, and people were keeping their distance from the thing in general. Just as I flipped over, a girl ran into the room, and my feet ended up in her chest. This wasn't just a bump. Contact was made at such the exact time and at such an exact angle that the entire force of the flip and weight of my body was projected at her. She didn't just fall. She was literally lifted into the air, thrown across the room, and landed audibly, through the music, on her head, shoulder and hip. She was OUT. I was freaked. This girl is actually a friend of mine, and one of the people I'd least like to kick across the room. She came to and said that she was alright and that she just had the wind knocked out of her. I didn't feel as bad when she seemed and claimed to be OK. But this girl is a glutton for attention. As soon as people started coming up to her and asking if she was OK, she put on the tears and started doing the whole, "No, I'm OK... I'll be alright... I'll just go to the hospital tomorrow and hope nothing's broken." Which was total bullshit and made me look like even more of an asshole than I usually am. I was joking around and said, "I'm so sorry, I'll go out and get you some sushi right now." She's vegan."¯"`-._.-¯) ManBird (¯-._.-´"¯" Click Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
