Thursday funnies

[happythoughts 0]

A man meets a friend and sees his friend's car is a mess—it's covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, "What's happened to your car?" "Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer." "OK," says the friend, "that explains the blood, but what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?" The man replies, "Well, I had to chase him all through the park."

[happythoughts 0]

A man walks into a bar sporting two black eyes.

"What happened to you?" asked his buddy. "I'll never understand women," he replied. "I was riding up in an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her behind, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me in the eye!" "Wow!" said his friend, "But how did you get the second black eye?" "Well, I figured she liked it that way so I pushed it back in."

[jtval 0]

funny stuff!

My photos

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[wmw999 2,555]

Warning labels:

Warning! Keep your pants on when sitting in the Interactive Health massage chair featuring "Human Touch Technology." The full text of this important safety tip read: "Do not use massage chair without clothing. Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving."

That warning is a winner of the Wacky Warning Label Contest. Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, a group whose goal is to show that fear of frivolous lawsuits has led to a loss of corporate common sense, sponsors an annual contest for the wackiest warning labels.

Second Place: "Do not use snow blower on the roof."

Third Place: "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher."

Previous winners in the "Wacky Warning Label Contest" are presented here for your amusement and amazement:
.A warning on an electric router made for carpenters cautions, "This product not intended for use as a dental drill."

.A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user: "Remove child before folding."

.A bottle of prescription sleeping pills says, "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

.A sticker on a toilet at a public facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan actually warns: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."

.A CD player carries this unusual warning: "Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."

.An "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter cautions, "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks."

.A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use "while sleeping or unconscious."

.A container of underarm deodorant says, "Caution: Do not spray in eyes."

.A cartridge for a laser printer warns, "Do not eat toner."

.A household iron warns users: "Never iron clothes while they are being worn."

.A label with a hair dryer reads, "Never use hair dryer while sleeping."

.A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: "Not intended for highway use."

.A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, "Do not drive with sunshield in place."

.A bathroom heater says: "This product is not to be used in bathrooms."

.A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: "May irritate eyes."

.A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover."

.A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: "Caution: Risk of Fire."

.A box of birthday cake candles says: "DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity."

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[BoobieCootie 0]

And this warning label I found on baby formula:

Add water before use

I mean WHO? puts powdered dairy creams in the mouth then sips their coffee?

The manufacturer might as well include
Do not use for making babies

[blewaway5 0]

There's a man riding a unicycle on a tight rope stretched between two huge skyscrapers at the exact same instant as his twin brother is getting a blowjob from a broken down old whore in Thailand. What thought are they both thinking right then?

Truman Sparks for President

[blewaway5 0]

Don't look down.

Truman Sparks for President

[BoobieCootie 0]

ROFLMAO

[goose491 0]

Quote

There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge.

Hahahaha!

"We can't stop here!!! This is BAT country!"

My Karma ran over my Dogma!!!

[blewaway5 0]

and of course who could forget, "quick, like a bunny!"

Truman Sparks for President

[Push 0]

A pirate with a steering wheel on his crotch walks into a bar. The barman says "Sir, you have a steering wheel on your crotch!" The pirate answers:

"Aye mate, it's drivin' me nuts!"

-- Toggle Whippin' Yahoo
Skydiving is easy. All you have to do is relax while plummetting at 120 mph from 10,000' with nothing but some nylon and webbing to save you.