Friday Funny

[jessd 0]

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse /other is taking
his/her sweet time:

1. Pick up condom packages &randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't
looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3 in
housewares,'...and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only
invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you
people just leave me alone?

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick
your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows
where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from
'Mission Impossible'.

12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size
funnels.

13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME! PICK
ME!!!!!!'

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position
and scream 'NO! It's those voices again'. !

And last but not least,

15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loud We're out of toilet paper in
here!'.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away..."

[jessd 0]

More funny stuff - Kid's Wisdom

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the
chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going To marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're
stuck with.
Kristin, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you've known the person FOREVER by
then.
Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
Freddie, age 6 (Very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the
same kids.
Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each
other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8 (Isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets
them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers
and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich.
Pam, age 7.....(Pam is so smart for her age)

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with
that.
Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them
and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone
to
clean up after them.
Anita, age 9 (Bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET
MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
Ricky, age 10

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away..."

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

Quote

Pick up condom packages &randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't
looking.

I do that to my housemates all the time, only I put in K-Y and other such delights.

____________________
Say no to subliminal messages

[happythoughts 0]

"6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. "

Use a large font to print "WET PAINT" on your pc printer. Tape the sign inside someones cubicle at work. Watch as they "test" every surface.

[sharpfive 0]

A Police officer stopped an Amish woman driving her
buggy."I'm not going to cite you," said the officer.
"I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the
back of your buggy is broken and it could be
dangerous.
"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have
my husband repair it as soon as I return home."
"Also, " said the officer, "I noticed one of your
reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles.
Some people might consider this cruelty to animals, so you should have your husband check that too."
"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check
both when I get home.
"True to her word, when the Amish lady got home, she told her husband about the broken reflector. He said he would put a new one on immediately.
"Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said you should check the emergency brake."