Friday (whohoo) Canadian Funies

[goose491 0]

CANADIAN JOKE # 1

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents
decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says,
"Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The
bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give
me The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain
spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Molson sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken
aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look
over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?" The Molson
president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I.
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>> > > > CANADIAN JOKE #2


A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under
his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the
case of beer for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob. "Oh!"
exclaims Doug, "Good trade."
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>> > > > CANADIAN JOKE #3
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An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie . He went to the
neurosurgeon and asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into
a Newfie?". "Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I
have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie." He was
very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anaesthetic.
As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain." The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"
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>> > > > CANADIAN JOKE #4
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Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The
Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling
the pins and throwing them back.
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>> > > > CANADIAN JOKE #5
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In Canada, we have two seasons...six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.
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>> > > > CANADIAN JOKE #6
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One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into
a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just
as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in eacH of
their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and
continued drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly
out oF his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"
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>> > > > CANADIAN JOKE #7
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A man from Qhebec, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service
for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"Toilette pepper!" yelled the Quebecer.
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>> > > > CANADIAN JOKE #8
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An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three
of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe
tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were
all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here." That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to
the other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over
the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."





It is better to have loved and lost than to have
to live with the psycho the rest of your life.

My Karma ran over my Dogma!!!