Tuesday funnies

[BoobieCootie 0]

Mike and Bill, are hanging out in the lone bar in a one-horse
town in northern Idaho, when a local rancher walks in carrying
a wolf pelt.

"Good work!" says the bartender. He pops the cash register
open, pulls out a wad of bills, and counts them out into the
rancher's outstretched hand.

After the rancher leaves, Mike asks the bartender, "What was
that all about?"

The barkeep says, "Haven't you boys heard? We got us a real
wolf problem in these parts, and the county ain't done a thing
about it. Why, just last week, a pack of the damn varmints
come onta my property and laid waste t'my chicken coop. Ol'
Man Miller down the road even lost four of his cattle to the
bloodthirsty beasts! They're vicious, and they got no fear
-- and they gotta be stopped. So I'm offerin' a bounty -- a
hundred dollars to anybody who brings in a wolf pelt."

Mike and Bill look at each other, and immediately race out of
the bar to go hunt wolves.

After wandering around the hills for several hours, they finally
spot a lone wolf in the distance. Mike takes aim with his rifle
and shoots the wolf dead. The two fellas sprint over to where
the carcass lay, and Mike gets busy with the pelt.

Suddenly, Bill says, "Hey, Mike, look."

"Not now," says Mike, "I'm busy."

Bill tugs on Mike's sleeve and says, "Mike, I think you *really*
ought to see this."

"Not now!" Mike says again. "Can't you see I've got a hundred
dollars in my hands?"

Bill's voice starts to waver. "Mike, please, just look!"

Mike stops what he's doing and looks up: The two men are
surrounded by a pack of wolves -- at least fifty in all, every one
of them growling, drooling, gnashing their teeth, and licking
their chops.

Mike takes in the sight and gasps: "Oh, my God! We're
gonna be rich!"

[Gawain 0]

No intention of any disparaging regards towards anyone in the service, enjoy :

---

A LETTER FROM A FARMER, NOW AT CAMP PENDLETON

Dear Ma and Pa,

Am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, they get warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc..., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant,
pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A
"route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys gets sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They
don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load
your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get into this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Gail

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[Gawain 0]

Not necessarily funny, but a very good read:

---

Subject: Charles Schultz Philosophy

You don't actually have to take the quiz. Just read the email straight through, and you'll get the point, an awesome one, that it is trying to make!

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.
These are no second-rate achievers.
They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies.
Awards tarnish.
Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier?

The lesson:
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

Pass this on to those people who have made a difference in your life.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.

It's already tomorrow in Australia.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[jessd 0]

Very nice. Just pasted it into an email and sent to a few friends.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away..."

[CrazyIvan 0]

Quote

It's already tomorrow in Australia.

So...if I buy an Austrialian paper today, I'll be reading yesterday's news?

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[BoobieCootie 0]

Yap! Can't argue with that. Gawain knows his material

[BoobieCootie 0]

If you buy an Australian newspaper, you will get tomorrow's winning lotto numbers!