Little Billy

[rhino 0]

LITTLE BILLY ON .....GETTING OLDER

Little Billy was sitting on a park bench, eating one candy bar after another, After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you, It will give you acne, rot your teeth and make your fat."

Little Billy replied ....."My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

"Oh?" replied the man. "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

"No!" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own F*ckin business!!"





LITTLE BILLY ON ............PHILOSOPHY

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" she calls on Little Billy, he replies "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Billy says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream, One is delicately licking the sides of the cone, the second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone, the third is biting off the top of the ice cream, Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring, on but I like your thinking"





LITTLE BILLY ON...MATH

Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father."

"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied BILLY.

"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the f*cking difference? " asks the father

"That's what I said!"




LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH

Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

BILLY says " Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful."

Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a bl*wjob."




LITTLE BILLY ON...GRAMMAR

Little BILLY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.

He yelled out," Miss Jones, I need to take a p*ss!!"

Miss Jones replied, "Now, BILLY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly and I will allow you to go."

Little BILLY thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger t*ts, you'd be a TEN!"




LITTLE BILLY ON ....GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word" beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.

She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!"

Then, she reluctantly called on littleB ILLY.

"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just f*cking beautiful!"

[jessd 0]

HAHAHAHAHA - too funny.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away..."

[Billy 0]

I like the lil guy!!

Spotted Owl &Tree Huggers
(Tree hugger,s watch out!)


A rich lady from California, who was a tree hugger and a vociferous anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts.
In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor.
Being a hunter himself, the doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared.
The angry lady demanded, "What took you so long?"
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service and the Bureau of Land
Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area and I'm sorry, they all turned me down."


Subject: Conservative Thoughts

Question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner and is running at you while screaming obscenities. In your hand is a Glock .40 and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

__________________________________________________________________

Liberal Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that is inspiring him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he
was stabbing me?

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion.

____________________________________________________________

Conservative Answer:

BANG!

____________________________________________________________

Conservative Texan's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click...

(sounds of clip being ejected and fresh clip rammed home)

Wife: "Sweetheart, he looks like he's still moving, what do you kids think?"

Son: "Mom's right Dad, I saw it too..."

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Daughter: "Nice grouping Daddy!"



WILL WE EVER LEARN YOU CAN'T IMPROVE ON PERFECTION

The old Cherokee chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking the ceremonial pipe, eyeing the US government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," one official began, "you have observed the white man for 90 years. You have observed his wars and his material wealth. You
have seen his progress and the damage he has done." The Chief nodded that it was so.
The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute, and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it.

No taxes.

No debt.

Plenty buffalo.

Plenty beaver.

Women did all the work.

Medicine man free.

Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing, all night screwing women."

The Chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.

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