rhino 0 #1 February 6, 2003 A woman goes into KMart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a KMart associate standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me, Sir ... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind, but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes. She didn't believe him but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel, and it's $20.00." She says, "It is amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register, she bends down to get her purse and farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50. And thank you for shopping KMart." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KawiZX900 0 #2 February 6, 2003 har har har Accelerate hard to get them looking, then slam on the fronts and rollright beside the car, hanging the back wheel at eye level for a few seconds. Guaranteed reaction- Dave Sonsky Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,589 #3 February 6, 2003 Ear plugs are a good thing... Three old skydivers are walking on the ramp. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Lets go get a beer."There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #4 February 6, 2003 Boobie Joke: An skydiver on the beach walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini, "I want to feel your breasts" he exclaimed. "Get away from me,!" she replied. "I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars" he says. Again, she told him,"Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me! I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS" he says. "NO! Get away from me" "TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS" he says. She pauses to think about it, but then comes to her senses and says "I said NO!" "FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts" he says. She thinks, well, he seems harmless enough... and five hundred dollars IS a lot of money.... "Well, OK...but only for a minute" she says. She loosens her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slides his hands underneath and begins to feel... and then he starts saying, "OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD..." while he is caressing them. So out of curiosity, she asks him, "Why do you keep saying 'Oh my god, oh my god'?" While continuing to feel her breasts he answers: "OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD... Where am I ever going to get five hundred dollars?" Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #5 February 6, 2003 See.. I would have said 500$ to suck on them.. That way the ass wupping later would have been worth it.. lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #6 February 6, 2003 A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did. Before he left in the morning,he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his scretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 andenclosed a note: Dear Madam:Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that: (1) it had never been occupied; (2) that there was plenty of heat; (3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and at home. Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note: Dear Sir, First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord. Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
QuickDraw 0 #9 February 6, 2003 Just a few photos. -- Hope you don't die. -- I'm fucking winning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
goose491 0 #10 February 6, 2003 A blonde woman suspects her boyfriend of beeing unfaithful for some time. When she is sure of it, she goes out and purchases a revolver. Upon coming home, her fears are confirmed as she hears him fooling around in the bedroom with another woman! Emotionally shattered, she puts the gun to her head, walks into the bedroom and screams: "NOW SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE! I'M GONNA DO IT AND IT'S GONNA BE YOUR FAULT!!!" The other woman gets out from underneath him and pleeds with the obviously rattled blonde: "Please, don't do it. We're sorry. You don't have to do it you know." To this, the blonde replies: "You shut up! YOU'RE NEXT!!!" My Karma ran over my Dogma!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
