Thursday funny: new definitions

[SpeedRacer 1]

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers
are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The
following were some recent winning entries:
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have
gained.
>
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.
> 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
>
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
>
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
>
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after
you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
>
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddish expressions.
14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your
soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
>
> > >
>
> > >
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The Post also invited readers to take any word from the
dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter,
and supply a new definition. Here are some of those winners:
>
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
>
> 2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
>
3. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of getting laid (e.g.: "I'm a doctor...")
>
4. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
> 5. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
> 6. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.
7. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra
credit)
9. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all
these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Glibido: All talk and no action.
11. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.
12. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
>

Speed Racer
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[Guest]

LMAO! Really, really funny.

Thanks, I needed a laugh, I really did.

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[SpeedRacer 1]

Here's a skydiving definition I made up:

Antici-pray-tion: That feeling you get between the time you throw your pilot chute and when you actually feel your parachute pull you up.

Speed Racer
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[slim 0]

I can do the "Hail Mary" twince in four seconds...thanks to that short period of time

>>>
A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!'

[skeletor 0]

For a greater sence of Antic-pray-tion, use a wingsuit.

Rich

[CrazyIvan 0]

Par-achoo-te (v) Snizzing while under a canopy

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[SpeedRacer 1]

Quote

11. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.

This may explain Bush's ability to convince large numbers of people that we should attack Iraq.

Speed Racer
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