highfly 0 #1 February 14, 2003 TEN THINGS WE’RE STILL BETTER AT THAN THE AUSSIES Never mind the football – or the cricket, rugby, swimming, darts, bowls and netball, for that matter. Here's 10 things we’re definitely still better at than the folks Down Under (or Earl’s Court On Sea, as we like to think of it). Prepare to puff out your chests with British pride… Conkers Both men’s and women’s world champions are English born and bred. Richard Swailes from Northamptonshire and Liz Gibson from West Sussex are the current holders of these prestigious trophies. No Australians even reached the semi-finals. Losers! Boxing In 1987, naturalised Australian champ Joe Bugner – born in Hungary and a former British champion – got his arse handed to him by Frank Bruno in one of the most embarrassing performances at White Hart Lane not to involve Christian Gross. As if we proud Brits would ever stoop so low as to have a heavyweight champion who actually came from another country! Toe-Wrestling There was nary an Australian in sight as Karen Davies and Alan Nash used their pedal digits in fine style to defeat all-comers and lift their respective world championship trophies. When it comes to fighting with feet, England are the true champions of the world. Superstars For all their so-called superiority in just about every sporting field of note, Great Britain pole vaulter Brian Hooper still holds the World Individual Superstars title. Those who point out that this is largely because the competition has not been held since his victory in 1982 are just being negative. Canoe Polo The Aussies might have mastered water polo, but a more intelligent race has worked out that there’s no point in getting wet and all puffed out from treading water when you can simply play the game from the comfort of a boat instead. Great Britain’s men have won gold at the last two world championships and our women will be hoping to reclaim their 2000 gold in Japan next year. Tiddlywinks According to respected Tiddlywinks journal Winking World, Brit Patrick Barrie is the undisputed master of the squidger (that’ll be the larger disc used to propel your winks). He owns the world singles title and shares the world pair crown with Ed Wynn. And there’s not an Aussie in sight. Winkers! Formula One With no participants at all between David Brabham's exit in 1994 and Mark Webber's debut at Melbourne last season, the closest Australia have had to a world champion since Alan Jones in 1980 has been Dannii Minogue getting her hands on Jacques Villeneuve's gearstick. Blighty, meanwhile, has seen both Nigel Mansell and Damon Hill win for the homegrown Williams team, while Jenson Button comprehensively outscored Webber last time out. In your well-tanned faces, Ockers! Air Guitar London architect Zac ‘Mr Magnet’ Munro thrashed Australian opponent Dave ‘Super Dave’ Williams to retain his International Air Guitarist Of The Year title in Finland last August. Organisers praised Munro for his “improvisation and living in the moment”, as well as lauding his choice of The White Stripes Fell In Love With A Girl as ideal for virtual plank-spankage . We reckon his far superior nickname might also have had something to do with it. Culture Britain: Sgt Pepper by The Beatles, Hamlet by William Shakespeare, The Haywain by John Constable. Australia: Suddenly by Angry Anderson, The Puppetry Of The Penis, Do You Know What It Is Yet? Number 1009 by Rolf Harris. Drug Cheating Among Top Sportsmen Actually, they appear to have overtaken us in this one too… www.myspace.com/durtymac Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #2 February 14, 2003 Brits used to say "The sun never sets on the British Empire". Their navy dominated the oceans of the world. Now they say, we can beat you at Toe-Wrestling and Canoe-Polo. Glad to see that things haven't changed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,151 #3 February 14, 2003 Quote Brits used to say "The sun never sets on the British Empire". Their navy dominated the oceans of the world. Now they say, we can beat you at Toe-Wrestling and Canoe-Polo. Glad to see that things haven't changed. The hell with that, it's CONKERS that matters! I think I had a fifteener once.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masher 1 #4 February 17, 2003 oohhhh... I'm shaking in my boots.... -- Arching is overrated - Marlies Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #5 February 17, 2003 hmm boxing eh, Jeff Fenech ring any bells Johny Famashon (sp) Jimmy Caruthers Kostya Tzu (yeah i know but we own him now) and there are quite a few moreYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
