happythoughts 0 #1 February 18, 2003 Q: Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? A: When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
slim 0 #2 February 18, 2003 hahaha...errrr >>> A good friend will bail you outta jail... A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!!!' Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #3 February 18, 2003 Q: How does a man know when his wife is losing interest? A: When her favorite sexual position is next door. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #4 February 18, 2003 HAHahaha! Q: What sexual position produces the ugliest babies? A: What? Q: Go ask your mom. ('Course if you see it coming, just answer with the punchline) you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
a97virago 0 #5 February 18, 2003 Sad news... Larry Lapraise, the composer who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died yesterday. The funeral was a complete disaster. They put his left leg in, they took his left leg out... Larry A-43434 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #6 February 18, 2003 A woman went to see her lawyer, taking with her a baby and four children under the age of five. "I want a divorce," she said. "On what grounds?" he asked. "Desertion, sir," she said. "Desertion?" he asked, looking at the five young children. "Well," she confided, "he does come home every now and then to apologize." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jessd 0 #7 February 19, 2003 The Parrot > >A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little >Perch. > > >It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder >what >happened to this Parrot?" > >The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot." > >"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" > >"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, >thoroughly educated bird." > >"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this-how do you hang onto your perch >without any feet?" > >"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I >wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it >because of my feathers." > >"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't >you?" > >"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with >reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, >physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought >to buy me. I'd be a great companion." > >The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford >that." > >"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants >me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20,just make >the guy an offer. > >The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot >is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a >great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. > >The guy is delighted. > >One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "psssssssssssst," >and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if should tell you this >or not, but it's about your wife and the postman." > >"What are you talking about?" asks the guy. > >"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the >door in a sheer black nightie and ! kissed him passionately." > >"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?" > >"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and >began petting her all over," reported the parrot. > >"Oh No!," he exclaims. "Then what?" "Then he lifted up the nightie, got >down on his knees and began to kiss her all over, starting with her breasts >and slowly going down...." > >"WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?" "Damned if I know. I >got a hard-on and fell off my perch!" "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skygod7777 0 #8 February 19, 2003 hahahah that's funny later Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hookitt 1 #9 February 19, 2003 You got me! -My grammar sometimes resembles that of magnetic refrigerator poetry... Ghetto Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #10 February 19, 2003 LMFAO!!!! __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #11 February 19, 2003 "So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man." "That's correct," "Upon which you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her." "That's correct," says the defendant. "Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor. "It seemed easier than shooting a different man every day!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
