Friday's funny...

[Zeemax 0]

Airplane related comments...


Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" ********************************************************** One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it yourself?" Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one." ************************************************************** There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." ATC told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the pilot remarked," the dreaded seven-engine approach." **************************************************************** A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff". ****************************************************************** Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot." ************************************************************** A man telephoned the United airline office at Denver International Airport and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Colorado Springs?" The clerk said, "Just a minute." "Thank you," the man said and hung up. **************************************************************** "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?" **************************************************************** The passenger piled his cases on the scale at the United counter in New York and said to the clerk, "I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the square case to go to Denver, and the two round ones to go to Seattle." "I'm sorry, sir, but we can't do that." "Why not? You did it last time!"

Phoenix Fly - High performance wingsuits for skydiving and BASE
Performance Designs - Simply brilliant canopies

[ralu 0]

LOL

what would be a woman without her dreams....

[miked10270 0]

North Korean missile to defect upon reaching US




PYONGYANG, Tuesday: North Korea's longest range missile declared its intentions to defect today, revealing it finally possessed the capabilities to fulfil its long-held dream of emigrating to the west coast of America.

"I am seeking a better life for myself and my family," TZ-801 announced, gathered with his partner, a short-range cruise missile and their two little anti-aircraft missiles. "As soon as I draw my mission to the U.S. I'm out of here."

The warhead claimed it had been politically persecuted its entire life by Kim Jong-Il and his Stalinist regime, who saw it as little more than a government pawn.

But the final straw for TZ-801 came when its best friend, TZ-799 was tragically test-fired into the Pacific Ocean last August. "That was a real wake-up call for me," it declared. "Quite frankly by that stage I was even prepared to defect to South Korea. But then they upgraded me so I could travel to America - I couldn't believe my luck."

"I just hope I'm directed towards L.A," the weapon continued. "I'd love to just soak up the sun for a while, try my hand at acting, maybe even use my experience as a bomb to make a Stephen Seagal flick or two."

"Whatever path I choose, I remain confident. The Bush administration seems very committed to the full employment of nuclear warheads."

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[Skystorm 0]

@Mike

Fighter pilot One to Fighter pilot Two : "Can you see me?"
Fighter pilot Two to Fighter pilot One : "No... Can you see me?"
Fighter pilot One to Fighter pilot Two : "No.."
Fighter pilot Two : "Cool, then we're Stealth fighters."

Gene Police: "YOU!! Out of the pool, NOW!!!"

[jerry81 10]

A big hit in Belgrade;
Postcards, t-shirts etc. with the picture of the Stealth fighter and a caption reading;
"Sorry, we didn't know it was invisible!"

---

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

>>CUSTOMER SERVICE

I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a
true story from theWordPerfect Help line which was transcribed from a
recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the
Help Desk employee was fired however, he is currently suing the WordPerfect
organization for "Termination without Cause." This is the actual dialogue
of
a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record
these conversations)

"Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"


"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a
little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord
goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the
wall."

"Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables
plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
cable."

"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of
your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark."


"Dark?"

"Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from
the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power failure."

"A power.......a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do
you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came
in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet. "Good. Go get them, and unplug your
system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back
to
the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer.

____________________
Say no to subliminal messages

[Brains 2]

They didn't tell me they were recording that!!

Never look down on someone, unless they are going down on you.

[happythoughts 0]

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"