Help! What do I do?

[Daizey 0]

ok I was at work today and an interesting situation came up and i didn't know how to respond to what happened at all.

I work as a swimming coach at the pool on my campus. I coach a team of kids 4-10 years old. Usually I leave after practice, but today i stayed around to play with the kids. By 7:15 all but on e of the kids were gone. The one that remained was a little 5 year old girl (she was waiting for her older brither to finish swimming). The other coach was there with me (who happens to be a guy) as well, and we were just having some fun with her. We were playing in the water and just having a good time. All of a sudden she stops and says says "hey...." then bursts into giggles. She then says , "hehe i almost called you mommy and daddy" I was stunned, she said this right in front of her father! I just dropped it until a little while later. We were still playing when she started calling me mommy and him daddy. She jumps into my arms and yells "mommy mommy mommy". I was like, do you want her? and she said, nooo, you're my mommy. I said, nooooo. Then she says, "well....I like you more than my real mommy and daddy-so how bout you guys be them instead-please?" Then she tells us to hold hands with her so we can be "like a family"

I don't know what to do! What if she tells her parents? Or what if they heard? I am sure her father did...i wonder whats going through his head?

Sorry this is so lengthy but i really need some advice....

*daizey*

[kevin922 0]

Quote

ok I was at work today and an interesting situation came up and i didn't know how to respond to what happened at all.

I work as a swimming coach at the pool on my campus. I coach a team of kids 4-10 years old. Usually I leave after practice, but today i stayed around to play with the kids. By 7:15 all but on e of the kids were gone. The one that remained was a little 5 year old girl (she was waiting for her older brither to finish swimming). The other coach was there with me (who happens to be a guy) as well, and we were just having some fun with her. We were playing in the water and just having a good time. All of a sudden she stops and says says "hey...." then bursts into giggles. She then says , "hehe i almost called you mommy and daddy" I was stunned, she said this right in front of her father! I just dropped it until a little while later. We were still playing when she started calling me mommy and him daddy. She jumps into my arms and yells "mommy mommy mommy". I was like, do you want her? and she said, nooo, you're my mommy. I said, nooooo. Then she says, "well....I like you more than my real mommy and daddy-so how bout you guys be them instead-please?" Then she tells us to hold hands with her so we can be "like a family"

I don't know what to do! What if she tells her parents? Or what if they heard? I am sure her father did...i wonder whats going through his head?

Sorry this is so lengthy but i really need some advice....

Wow now THAT is a tuffie.

good luck !

:-) (sorry I have absolutely NO advice on this one..)

[AggieDave 6]

She'll get over it...if anything, if you're worried about it, write up a nice letter to her folks about it, seal it and give it to her to give to her folks, explaining it.

Atleast that's what I'd do, but I'm not in that situation.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[Push 0]

Maybe you can find out why the kid likes you better? Hopefully she was just playing house...

-- Toggle Whippin' Yahoo
Skydiving is easy. All you have to do is relax while plummetting at 120 mph from 10,000' with nothing but some nylon and webbing to save you.

[misskriss 0]

I really wouldn't read too much into it.. As a mother of three and having had been a foster parent of four more...and nevermind the many kids that spend the night alllllllllll the time. I have had neighbors kids say the same thing. I wish you were my mommy.....only because I was giving them cookies and candy and maybe their mom made them eat their veggies first. To kids the grass is always greener and you are probably a lot more fun than the parents...LOL.. I wouldn't worry unless she started talking about "worrisome " issues...if you know what I mean. Just be flattered...she thinks you're cool..

[skymama 37]

I wouldn't read too much into it unless it becomes ongoing. Children at that age like to play make-believe all the time. And, parents also have to be disciplinarians as well as loving parents. So, since you two were just there having fun with her, she was probably thinking "oh, how wonderful, they're just playing with me and not telling me to eat my dinner, or clean my room, and they're not doing other things while I'm trying to get their attention...." I think you're fine, and I don't think you even need to speak to the parents just yet. If someone had told me that my kids had acted that way at such a young age, I wouldn't even have batted an eye because I knew how many different ways they would pretend during the day.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[miked10270 0]

Hi Daizey,

One Swallow doesn't make a summer, and one child's short lived fantasy does not in itself give cause for concern.

You're not clear on exactly what your concern is, but I think I can answer both possibilities...

A 5 year old IS a child and fantasy play is an element of childhood. In the particular situation she was in she found herself with the undivided attention of not just one, but of 2 adults (who she'll look up to and trust) in a "fun & play" situation which she was enjoying tremendously. You mentioned an elder sibling, so I'd guess that periods of undivided adult attention are rare for her, just as they are rare for any child with siblings.

Anyway, having "assigned" you and your colleague the roles of the "mummy & daddy", the child now wanted to indulge in fantasy play and when you (quite properly) showed reluctance to join in her game, she (quite predictably) attempted a little co-ercion ("I like you more than my REAL mommy & Daddy") - note the use of the word "real", the child was aware that this was "play".

Short version... Don't worry about it. Don't forget it either - you have acted properly and should be able to refute any (unlikely) complaint from the child's parents. Don't treat this child any differently, but it might be worth your while to present yourself to your classes as "I'm your big friend who'll help you to swim
Hope this helps,

Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[Daizey 0]

thanks

what should i say if she does it again? I mean today i tried telling her that i wasn't her mom, and i got the response about her wishing i was her real mom.

The thing that i thought about was that I am not even really a mother figure....neither is the other coach-well, he is more than I am at the age of 23, but I'm only 18...

*daizey*

[Michele 1]

LOL, Daizey...that must've taken you by surprise! Mike's on target, especially with her use of the word "real" and his explanation.

I remember that, as a child, I'd do the same thing. NOT because there was anything really wrong at home, or because there was a problem with me and reality...simply because "play" can be more fun than reality. I remember that there was a lady down the street I named Granma, and Papa was her husband. She had a son who was married to a sweet lady. We all went to Disneyland one day, and I spent the day with my "other family". Called them Mom, Dad, Gram, Papa, and so on. My parents were aware, and didn't have an issue, as long as I came home to my "real" family at night. This went on for several years. And keep in mind that this was in the early 70's, too.

As for writing a letter, let it go for now. Should she continue and persist, then perhaps revisit the issue. But for the moment, she was only playing, I believe.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Squeak 17]

I agree with Mama but I'd probably bring to the attention of the folks just to let them know, and it covers your butt a little too.
I have had csimilar problems with stuidents and I let my line manager know and the parents.

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[Daizey 0]

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate it!

*daizey*

[lewmonst 0]

no worries, i think that's common with kids that age.

peace

http://www.exitshot.com

[newshooter12 0]

what they said....

[Pammi 0]

Good thoughts guys. I like how you put it especially Mike. I agree Daizey, I wouldn't worry about it too much. If I were the dad standing there and overheard, my feelings might have been hurt a little, but common-sense would tell me that it was more about the attention she was getting at that time then anything. Parents don't get to be just players, but have to set the rules and be disciplinarians as well. Of course she would prefer someone who doesn't tell her 'no'.
I wouldn't worry about it too much, and honestly, if I was the Mom, I wouldn't even want to know. I prefer to go on thinking "I'm the best Mom in the world, and my kids never want anyone else."..that's how my fantasy world works. I used to hate the way they would get attached to their babysitters...but it's a good thing too. It's good for them to be around others who care for them as well as their family :)

You did good. I wouldn't make too much of it :)

Pam

[happythoughts 0]

It's all fun, except that it makes you uncomfortable. Skymama is right, you are not the authority figure, you are the playtime buddy. The child is just responding to an adult figure who gives them positive feedback. It isn't always good at home.

When I was your age, I handled this stuff by saying to the child, "I can't be your parent, because I don't take care of you, but I can be your big sister/brother." and explained the deal to the parents.

Most Southerners grew up with adults who were "Aunt/Uncle whoever" and they were no relation, just adult friends of their parents.

"You already have great parents, they bring you to swim practice, to school, great home, etc..." Kids, like adults, take good things for granted. Remind the kids, as a group, of all the good stuff that their parents do for them.

Next week, all the kids will be deciding which superhero that they are for today. It's part of being a kid and dreaming about stuff.

[suz 0]

I use to call one of my older sister's friends "mummy" when I was little. It's just a kid's thing. She obviously just likes you guys! it's a way, I guess of her expressing her gratitude.
You know? when kids are little, there biggest fans are their mommy and daddy!
She'll grow out of it. Just treat it as a casual thing! I hope this is useful info!?

Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after

[Daizey 0]

Just thought i would update you all and thank you all for the great advice....tonight i was called Daddy, so i feel much better about the whole being called mommy thing....i think....lol i am not sure what i think of being called daddy.

You all were definitely right though, it was a game, guess it just caught me a little off guard....now she calls me her sister...now that i can deal with!

*daizey*

[jimmytavino 16]

wow... YOU get to swim every Day?????Great...
hey,,, do you wanna be ,,,"MY Mommy"???
we can Play,,, " Oedipus Goes to the Drop Zone"
hahaha......
I am happy for you that
things have worked out,,, and yes,,, The DZ dot commers,,, once again come through,, with great advice.......
" If we stop asking the questions,,,,,, we will NEVER get the Answers"