wmw999 2,589 #1 March 17, 2003 No cows were harmed in the making of this cartoon. Wendy W. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pop 0 #2 March 17, 2003 ROFLMAO7 ounce wonders, music and dogs that are not into beer Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #3 March 17, 2003 A man was in his front yard mowing grass when this attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mailbox and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house, she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again. Marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!" My stupid computer! keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."__________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ginandjuice 0 #4 March 17, 2003 In the spirit of St. Pattys Day..... A man asks the only other guy in the bar if he can buy him a drink. "Of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks him, "Where are you from?" "Ireland," replies the second. "I'm from Ireland, too! Let's have another round, to Ireland." "Cheers!" replies the other, and they both toss back their drinks. The first man asks, "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it!" says the first man. "I'm from Dublin, too! Let's have another drink, to Dublin! Then the first man asks, "What school did you go to?" "St. Mary's," replies the second. "I graduated in '65." "This is unbelievable," the first man says. "I went to St. Mary's and graduated in '65, too!" About this time another man sits down at the bar. "What's going on?" he asks the bartender. "Not much," he replies. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."The words I have to say, May well be simple but they're true, Until you give your love, There's nothing more that we can do-David Bowie Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #5 March 17, 2003 One day a man was feeling bored & lonely, so he went into the local pet store to buy an unusual pet. He saw a sign that said "Talking Centipede $39.95" He thought that was a bit hard to believe, but he decided to buy it anyway, and he brought it home in a little box. When he got home he opened the box and looked down at the little centipede. He said, "Hey, little guy, would you like to go down to O'Brien's pub and have a drink with me?" No answer. He tried it again, a little louder, "Hey, little dude!! Would you like to go down to the pub with me & have a drink?" Still no answer. He thought he'd give it one more shot. He leaned down & put his face just inches from the centipede and shouted: "HEY, CENTIPEDE!! I SAID, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO DOWN TO THE PUB AND HAVE A DRINK WITH ME??!!" ...Finally he heard a little voice say...<> "....I heard you the first time!! I'm putting on my fucking shoes!" Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BoobieCootie 0 #6 March 17, 2003 Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? | v | v | v | v | v | v | v | v | v | v | v | v You don't want to press your luck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DYEVOUT 0 #7 March 17, 2003 Quote"....I heard you the first time!! I'm putting on my fucking shoes!" Way Cool, Speed ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyediver 0 #8 March 17, 2003 sorry...this doesn't follow the theme of cows...or st. patricks day...or drinking... :/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #9 March 17, 2003 the only thing that follows is w in the alphabet. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #10 March 17, 2003 Private Jones was assigned to the Army induction center, where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their Serviceman's Group Life Insurance (SGLI). It wasn't long before the center's Lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Lt. stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the SGLI to the new recruits, and then said. "If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?" Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #11 March 17, 2003 Whoops... Forgot it was st.Patrick's day... Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself,my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Shamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!" Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and ,10,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. ! "Top o' the mornin' Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints,and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners." Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
