JohnJug 0 #1 March 24, 2003 Well, I just came across this, and thought it kind of fit in with the Accents thread so I thought I would throw it up here: 25 Ways to Annoy a Yankee 1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING. 2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two. 3. When giving directions, finish with "it's right down yonder on the left." 4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying. 5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you are!" 6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball. 7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke. 8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus. 9. Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air. 10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie -- John Michael -- Jim Bob. . .) 11. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about it." 12. Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady". 13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: "It's 'pee-can.'" 14. Put Tabasco on everything. 15. For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!", say "Well I'll be, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!" 16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies. . . banana ones. 17. Name all of your children "Bubba". 18. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence. 19. "Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to school. "Fetch" something. 20. Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do" something. 21. Tell them you don't have an accent, they do. 22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations.. 23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there. . ." "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town.." 24. Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend. 25. Call 'em a yankee. Works every time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #2 March 24, 2003 Yea-es... good un funny! aieee! LOL My aunt is a yankee... and sais I talk funny. I say here ears just aint tuned to my way uh thinkin! Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
QuickDraw 0 #3 March 24, 2003 A few here from some E-Mails i got : you know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, and germany doesn't want to go to war ... It takes two A couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer-by kinetic energy a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it. The doctor initially set the pain-transfer level to 10 percent, saying that was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer all the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the milkman was dead on the porch. Mid Life Crisis A middle aged bloke has a heart attack and while on the operating table he has a near death experience. He sees God and asks if this is it. God says 'No. you've got another 30 to 40 years left to live'. When the bloke recovers he decides to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, tummy tuck and hair implants, figuring that if he's got that long he may as well make the most of it. Then when he walks out of the hospital after the last operation he immediately gets hit by an ambulance. Arriving before God again, he says: 'I thought you said I'd got another 30 to 40 years'. To which God replies 'To tell you the truth, I didn't recognise you!' Death by Misadventure Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner. "Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Paddy Quinn an Irishman, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. "He thought he was having his picture taken." A guy walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. "What are you so happy about?" asks the barman. "Well, I'll tell you," he replies. "You know I live by the railway. Well, on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her ontop!" "Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky slob. Was she pretty?" "Dunno....never found the head....." -- Hope you don't die. -- I'm fucking winning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lolie 0 #4 March 24, 2003 Quote 23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there. . ." "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town.." Hey sunshine... -Miranda you shall above all things be glad and young / For if you're young,whatever life you wear it will become you;and if you are glad / whatever's living will yourself become. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jessd 0 #5 March 24, 2003 Quote23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there. . ." "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town.." This is how I am usually given directions. No wonder I always get lost. "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #6 March 25, 2003 Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
