Every American to get some Iraq land

[AggieDave 6]

It has to be true, its on the internet...


http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/news/index.cfm?instanceid=57356

Quote

WASHINGTON -- A Super-secret White House initiative promises to take some of the sting out of the coming depression by giving every man, woman and child in America "a piece of Iraq" after we crush Saddam Hussein in the coming war.

Sources confirm that President George W. Bush hit on the plan after polls showed increasing numbers of Americans are beginning to believe that bombing Hussein and his country into oblivion and then sending a U.S. governor to run the place might not be such a good idea.

Details are sketchy. But a source familiar with the plan says Iraq "is going to be divvied up like the cake at a child's birthday party.

"Every American will be deeded a small, postage stamp-sized plot of Iraqi soil as a memento of our victory," the insider confided to reporters in Washington.

"And thousands of Americans, those with the best contacts in Congress and the White House, will get larger, vegetable garden-sized plots.

"If by luck your deeded plot is in the vicinity of an oil well, you and your descendants will rake in a share of profits until the well runs dry.

"Other Americans will receive more conventional spoils of war -- art ob- jects and museum pieces, archaeological relics, precious metals and hard currency, even souvenirs like flags, empty nerve gas canisters, decontaminated an- thrax bottles, and statues of Saddam, which stand on virtually every street corner in the country today and are expected to be coveted items after the war.

"I'd like to have one myself if for no other reason than to smash it to bits with a sledgehammer."

There's one other perk that's sure to be distributed after the war, says the source, but it's highly unlikely anybody in Washington or the military will ever admit it.

"If you want an Iraqi woman, just claim her," the source explains.

Find out what else you can get and more in the new Iraq plan in the current 4/1/03 "Newsstand Issue" on sale now!

(Of course I know its not real, somewhere, somebody will believe this, I laugh at them).

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[JJohnson 0]

Oh dear God......

JJ

"Call me Darth Balls"

[flyhi 24]

This is a good thing. I can always use more parking.

Shit happens. And it usually happens because of physics.

[DYEVOUT 0]

Crack use.

The scourge of western civilization.

----------------=8^)----------------------
"I think that was the wrong tennis court."

[billvon 3,121]

I can't believe it! Giving away Iraqi land! My righteous indignation knows no bounds!

What I want to know - when are they sending out the checks? I figure I won't get one, but a promise is a promise . . .

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WASHINGTON, DC—Amid growing anti-war protests and polls indicating eroding public support for an invasion of Iraq, President Bush is offering U.S. taxpayers a rebate in the amount of $300 if we go to war.

"My proposed tax rebate will serve to stimulate the economy," said Bush, waving a sample check made out to John Q. Public at a White House press conference Monday. "Americans will get a generous infusion of cash that can be used however they choose—all in return for simply supporting a first strike against Iraq. Now, who wouldn't want an extra $300 in their pocket next month?"

Under the Bush plan, single taxpayers would be eligible for a $300 rebate, married filers $600, and heads of household $500. Attached to the proposal is a rider, penned by Bush himself, stating, "Plus, we also will invade Iraq right away, everyone promises."

Pending passage of the bill, titled Economic Growth And Tax Relief Reconciliation Act Of 2003 And We Bomb Iraq (H.R. 1936), some 91.3 million checks could be mailed as early as March 31.

"The plan is almost identical to the tax rebate offered in 2001," Bush said. "With the minor exception, of course, of the provision that Americans react favorably to the deployment of 210,000 troops to the Persian Gulf."

"Which reminds me, have you seen these new iPods?" added Bush, pulling an Apple-brand MP3 player from his pocket and holding it up to the crowd. "It costs $299 for one of these little buggers, but it holds a thousand songs. They're amazing."

Citizens are excited by the prospect of having a little extra spending money.

"Things have been pretty tight lately, so this sure would come in handy," said Ray Kilty, 48, an Akron, OH, screen-door-factory worker. "I don't know much about what's going on with Iraq, but I do know what's going on with my truck. The brakes are set to go any day now."

Bush has been pushing the rebate, part of his ambitious $1.4 trillion tax-cut agenda, in a series of TV commercials. One such ad, which made its debut last Tuesday during Fox's American Idol, features the slogan, "Free Iraq Of Hussein, Free Rent For A Month." Another upcoming spot asks the question, "War: What Is It Good For?" and answers, "$300, Is What."

In recent weeks, Bush has also met with key lawmakers in an effort to win their support.

"I get the green light from the American people, and they get 300 smackeroos," Bush told members of the Senate budget committee last Friday. "Any questions?"

"I'll tell you what," Bush added. "Just because I'm feeling generous, I'll throw in another $20 per dependent if we invade by the end of next week."

To ensure public support, the following will appear in fine print below the endorsement line on the back of each check: "By signing and cashing this check, the above is hereby indicating his or her consent to a U.S. invasion of Iraq, and will refrain from attending protest rallies or committing any other act that could reasonably be construed as an expression of disapproval of said war."

"Americans need two things right now: economic relief and the elimination of the threat of terrorism." Bush said. "These rebates take care of both. I can't think of a better way to show the citizens of this nation that war truly pays."

[JJohnson 0]

Too Cool. With my check I can afford to build a shack on my Iraqi land.

You got anything else up your sleeve Bill? Any free new cars?

JJ

"Call me Darth Balls"