Thursday funny

[froglady 0]

: Life


On the first day God created the cow.
God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and
suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will
give
you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty
years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty."
God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog.
God said, "Sit all day by the door and bark at everyone who comes in or
walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll
give back the other ten."
So God agreed (sigh).

On the third day God created the monkey.
God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give
you a twenty year life span."
Monkey said,"How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so.
Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man.
God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy. I'll
give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way! Tell you what, I'll take my
twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back,
and
the ten the monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay", said God. "You have a deal."

So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex,
enjoy and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to
entertain
our grandchildren; and the last ten years we sit in front of the house and
bark at everybody.

Life has now been explained!!

FrogLady

[AggieDave 6]

42

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[PhillyKev 0]

There is no spoon.

[CrazyIvan 0]

So true.

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[QuickDraw 0]

Tom had been in business for 25 years and was finally sick of the stress.
He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity
as possible. Saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month;
otherwise it was total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocked on his
door. He opened it and there stood a huge, bearded man.
"Name's Lars, your neighbour from forty miles up the road... Having a
Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come... About
5:00..."
"Great," said Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local
folks. Thank you."
As Lars was leaving, he stopped and said, "Gotta warn you...There's gonna be
some drinkin'."
"Not a problem," said Tom. "after 25 years in business, I can drink with the
best of em."
Again, as he started to leave, Lars stopped and said, "More 'n' likely gonna
be some fightin' too."
Tom said, "Well, I get along with people, I'll be alright. I'll be there.
Thanks again."
Once again Lars turned from the door, saying "More'n likely be some wild
sex, too."
"Now that's really not a problem," said Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been
all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should
I wear?"
Lars stopped in the door again and said, "Whatever you want. Just gonna be
the two of us.
____________________________________________________________________________
________________________
After a woman gave birth to her baby, the Doctor stood solemnly beside her
bed. "There is something I must tell you about your baby."

What's wrong," the alarmed mother asked?

"Your baby is a hermaphrodite."

"What's that?"

"It means your baby has both male and female parts."

"Oh my God, that's wonderful!", the mother said, "You mean it has a penis
and a brain ? "

-- Hope you don't die. --

I'm fucking winning

[Gawain 0]

Quote

42

Yeah but you still don't know the question.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!