An oldie, but a goodie!

[staticnewbie 0]

>Subject: Memorandum
>From: Bin Laden, Osama
>To: All Al Queda Fighters
>Subject: The Cave
>
>Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've
>really
>come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are
>fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and
>frankly I have a few concerns.
>
>First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles,
>we
>should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to
>avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we
>need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota
>...have you?
>I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to
>the
>Halaal toaster).
>
>Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm
>trying to scare the sh*t out of most of the world's population,
>okay? This means while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter
>in the background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.
>
>Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote
>"Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my
>Dairylea slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
>
>Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must
>distance
>ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant
>"Ossy Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.
>
>Five: Graffiti. To whoever wrote "OSAMA F**KS DONKEYS" on the group
>toilet wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was
>relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.
>
>Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse
>that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at
>the edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With
>donkeys, there is a gray area.)
>
>Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise
>trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
>them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.
>
>Love you lots, Group Hug. Os.
>
>PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry
>bag.
>Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.

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