DYEVOUT 0 #1 April 9, 2003 A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary clinic. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room- returning in a few moments with a beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet escorted the dog from the room and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and delicately sniffed the bird, shook its head, meowed, and ran out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but, like I said, your parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "A HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS!" she cried. "A HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS just to tell me my bird is dead?!" The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been $20... but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan..... it's $150." -------------------------------------------------------- A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. After the initial embarrassment and uneasiness, they both go to sleep, the man in the upper berth and the woman in the lower berth. In the middle of the night, the man leans over, gently wakes the woman and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold, and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and get me another blanket?" The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye says, "I have a better idea. Just for tonight let's pretend that we're married." The man happily says, "OK. AWESOME!" The woman says, "GOOD.....Get your own damn blanket. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ScottishJohn 25 #2 April 9, 2003 The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife." "Well, tell me!" the man said. The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay." "Oh my god!," said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?" "Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her." "If that's the good news than what's the great news?" Mr. Wilkens demanded. The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning."---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DTOXX 0 #3 April 9, 2003 A scientist working with the latest advancements in cloning technology was finally able to clone himself. Shortly afterwards the scientist was appauled to discover that the clone used profanity in almost every sentence. Everything was F' this and S' on that. For days the cussing was endless until the scientist could not take it any more. Taking the clone to the top of a tall cliff the scientist pushed the clone to its death. The next day the police arrived at the home of the scientist. Thinking the crime was perfect, afterall how can you kill yourself and be put on trial for it, the scientist asked "What is the problem officer?" Producing a ticket book the officer announce that he will be writing a ticket for making an obscene clone fall. ------- D.T. Holder SIMstudy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
