Today's funny

[CrazyIvan 0]

Written on T-Shirts....

1. "The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."

2. "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."

3. "I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!"

4. "Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them."

5. "I used to have a handle on life, but it broke."

6. "Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive."

7. "You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me."

8. "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."

9. "Earth ... is the insane asylum for the universe."

10. "To all you virgins, thanks for nothing."

11. "I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing."

12. "Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."

13. "I want to die in my sleep, like my grandfather.... not
screaming
and yelling like the passengers in his car."

14. "God must love stupid people, he made so many of them."

15. "The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

16. "It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you."

17. "I took an IQ test and the results were negative."

18. "Consciousness: That annoying time between naps."

19. "Ever stop to think and forget to start again?"

20.. "Beer - the reason I get up each afternoon!"

21. "I must be a proctologist because I work with butt heads!"

22. "That's it! I'm calling Nana!" (seen on an 8-year old).

23. "Wrinkled.... was not one of the things I wanted to be when I
grew up."

24. "Procrastinate..... now."

25. "Rehab..... is for quitters."

26. "My dog....can lick anyone."

27. "I have a degree in liberal arts - Do you want fries with that?"

28. "Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt).

29. "Finally 21, and legally able to do everything I've been doing
since was
15."

30. "Arkansas: One million people and 15 last names."

31. "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software."

32. "I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN."

33. "A hangover is the wrath of grapes."

34. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance."

35. "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"

36. "DISCOURAGE INBREEDING - Ban Country Music."

37. "They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken."

38. "He who dies with the most toys is none-the-less dead."

39. "Time is fun when you're having flies"...Kermit the Frog.

40. "POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN....Cops have nothing to go on."

41. "FOR SALE - Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once."

42. "HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH."

43. "HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime
commitment
for a pig."

44. "WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years."

45. "The trouble with life is there's no background music."

46. "The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson."

47. "MOP AND GLOW - The floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup
team.

48. "NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room spinning
medicine."

49. "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He
thought he
was God and I did not.........
50. "The greatest achievement for some people is they beat out 100 million other sperm"

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[RevJim 0]

51. You live on the edge? Well, I fell off some time ago.

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[bluepill 0]

52. Skydiving isent half as scarey as saying "I Do"

[NoShitThereIWas 0]

Those were cute, thanks CrazyIvan

Roy Bacon: "Elvises, light your fires."

Sting: "Be yourself no matter what they say."

[CrazyIvan 0]

Quote

Those were cute, thanks CrazyIvan

You're welcome.

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[skymama 37]

Here's a skydiving funny from the Zits cartoon.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[marcandalysse 0]

"Earth ... is the insane asylum for the universe"

I laughed at them all, but after driving back from lunch in heavy traffic, this one most matches my mood!

Marc

"The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly." --GK Chesterton