billvon 3,121 #1 April 21, 2003 As most of you have figured out by now, Saddam and much of his upper staff fled Iraq well before the fighting started; our military intelligence is just now starting to discover that all the video appearances of him since the start of the war have been faked, as have the deaths of people like al-Sahhaf. The crack reporters at the Onion have recently managed to track him down to his secret cave in Syria. They cannot of course report where he is; that would compromise the safety of their inside people. They can, however, report on his condition and the problems he's having in his new digs - TOP EIGHT PROBLEMS IN THE CAVE 8. Local Blockbusters do not give Saddam "evil tyrant" discount any more. 7. His doubles are always tricking people into giving them the best rock to sit on. 6. Serious shortage of people to torture. Domino's is threatening to stop sending pizza delivery guys to the cave. 5. Osama wants to watch Al-Jazeera; Saddam wants to watch CNN. Qusay will not let go of remote. 4. Uday insists on bringing AK-47 to dinner table; his constant aiming it at people and saying "BANG!" is getting unnerving. 3. Information Minister always eats all the Cheetos while announcing "I am not eating any Cheetos!" 2. Six year old grand-nephew's game of "Topple Saddam" getting really old. 1. Constant pointless argument with Bin Laden over who's more hated. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #2 April 21, 2003 Quote 1. Constant pointless argument with Bin Laden over who's more hated. Yeah, is kinda ridiculous. Osama gives Saddam a cassette to listen to and Saddam gives Osama a Video tape, and, the Information Minister, denies this takes place. __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
katecooper 0 #3 April 21, 2003 What's more. It's little known that Saddam lost one of his legs in the bombing that reputedly killed him. Boy, were his body doubles bummed..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #4 April 21, 2003 Quote What's more. It's little known that Saddam lost one of his legs in the bombing that reputedly killed him. Boy, were his body doubles bummed..... Forget the leg....they are UNEMPLOYED now man!!! __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
racer42 0 #5 April 21, 2003 The Onion. The REAL SOURCE for REAL NEWS. L.A.S.T. #24 Co-Founder Biscuit Brothers Freefly Team Electric Toaster #3 Co-Founder Team Non Sequitor Co-Founder Team Happy Sock Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TEB6363 0 #6 April 21, 2003 Quote4. Uday insists on bringing AK-47 to dinner table; his constant aiming it at people and saying "BANG!" is getting unnerving. That or pointing the gun at Bin Laden and asking, "how much is your reward again?" Once the plane takes off, you're gonna have to land - Might as well jump out!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
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