JJohnson 0 #1 April 29, 2003 Alright a solid week!! I've only been forced to kill 3 people, which is a new record for quitting for me. I normally average one per day. Those three are: 1) The dweeb in the BMW in front of me who feels he is capable of reading the WSJ, yapping on his cell phone, sucking a latte, smoking a cigarette all while driving 35 in a 45 mph zone. Truth be told this was early in the week and if he had not been smoking I probably just would have wounded him. 2)The 500 lb black lady, driving her (3) 500 lb each girlfriends to the mall in the red Toyota Corrolla with the back right wheel only held on by one lug nut....doing 55 mph in a 45 mph zone no less, and weaving in and out of traffic like she was racking up passing points in a video game. That tire was moving around more than Osama Bin Laden. Her way cool hat with the feathers almost spared her life.......But once the tire popped off and she became a roadblock I had to kill her for gross stupididty and exceeding maximum allowable weight limit in an economy car. 3) And the last guy was at the gas station. You know the guy. He stands there all day long, waiting for you to come in......catching you after a bad day, after sitting in rush hour traffic. You walk in to pay for your gas and he asks you real loud " HEY MAN! What kind of cigarettes you smoke? What if I gave you three free packs of Winston just for filling out this survey?" I beat the fucker to death with a pack of Hostess frosted doughnuts. I'm hoping that when the cops got there, they mistake him for a coke overdose.JJ "Call me Darth Balls" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
akaGQ 0 #2 April 29, 2003 Im speechless but out of breath Im laughing so hard it hurts. - GQ ... it was the love of the air and sky and flying, the lure of adventure, the appreciation of beauty ... -Charles Lindberg Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydyvr 0 #3 April 29, 2003 Hang in there; don't let those deaths be in vain! . . =(_8^(1) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
akaGQ 0 #4 April 29, 2003 oh and congrats on the week thing too- GQ ... it was the love of the air and sky and flying, the lure of adventure, the appreciation of beauty ... -Charles Lindberg Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VectorBoy 0 #5 April 29, 2003 Yes what he said. And do try to avoid putting your tongue down the "ugly smoking girl in a bar" 's throat just to "get a taste". Those deaths are way easier to explain away trust me. Glen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Islandcool 0 #6 April 29, 2003 Quote 2)The 500 lb black lady, driving her (3) 500 lb each girlfriends to the mall in the red Toyota Corrolla with the back right wheel only held on by one lug nut....doing 55 mph in a 45 mph zone no less, and weaving in and out of traffic like she was racking up passing points in a video game. That tire was moving around more than Osama Bin Laden. Her way cool hat with the feathers almost spared her life.......But once the tire popped off and she became a roadblock I had to kill her for gross stupididty and exceeding maximum allowable weight limit in an economy car. Dude! Next time you see my mom tell her I said Hi.Ed Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
akaGQ 0 #7 April 29, 2003 man thats sick kinda like kissing a girl that chews tobacco just to get a nicotine fix- GQ ... it was the love of the air and sky and flying, the lure of adventure, the appreciation of beauty ... -Charles Lindberg Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JJohnson 0 #8 April 29, 2003 Yeah, I think it was my Aunt riding shot gun!!!JJ "Call me Darth Balls" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
murrays 0 #9 April 29, 2003 Thanks for the laughs! Good on you for hanging in there...keep it up...don't worry, the body count will take care of itself.-- Murray "No tyranny is so irksome as petty tyranny: the officious demands of policemen, government clerks, and electromechanical gadgets." - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gawain 0 #10 April 29, 2003 You've been of service to society and should feel no guilt if you should start smoking again. Think of it this way, if you decide to quit again, you'll be able to be of service again, and the next three people you kill could be the soccer mom parking the Caravan all cock-eyed in the parking lot, the immigrant weaving across three lanes of traffic, and the taxi driver refusing to go on the green light. Behind you 100% So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright 'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life Make light! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TitaniumLegs 8 #11 April 29, 2003 Quote the taxi driver refusing to go on the green light. Where the heck does that happen? (>o|-< If you don't believe me, ask me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,560 #12 April 29, 2003 Quote You've been of service to society and should feel no guilt if you should start smoking again. NO NO NO!!! Don't start again! Remember he said he normally kills 3 a day. He's way down for the week, and the herd requires thinning. Don't forget the 17-year-old who causes a wreck by slowing down in a serious hurry to scope out the accident in the oncoming traffic -- he could still breed if you don't take care of him. And congratulations for going a week. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DTOXX 0 #13 April 29, 2003 You have made it past the hardest part man. Hang in there. Kill as many people as it takes... Congrats, we are sending all the support we can. ------- D.T. Holder SIMstudy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JJohnson 0 #14 April 29, 2003 Thank you all.....do you think giving up drinking coffee is too much at this point??? JJ "Call me Darth Balls" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkyDekker 1,465 #16 April 29, 2003 you're the funniest quitter I know.... Quote Thank you all.....do you think giving up drinking coffee is too much at this point??? Nah, it can be done Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Meathorse 0 #17 April 29, 2003 Quote you're the funniest quitter I know.... I second that. More quitters need to post... this is cracking me up Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gawain 0 #18 April 29, 2003 Quote Quote You've been of service to society and should feel no guilt if you should start smoking again. NO NO NO!!! Don't start again! Remember he said he normally kills 3 a day. He's way down for the week, and the herd requires thinning. Don't forget the 17-year-old who causes a wreck by slowing down in a serious hurry to scope out the accident in the oncoming traffic -- he could still breed if you don't take care of him. And congratulations for going a week. Wendy W. I only meant that he should be afraid to continue his "services" if he should start then quit again...etc... So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright 'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life Make light! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
