Pregnancy, Estrogen and Women

[akaGQ 0]

This is an e-mail that my mother sent to me. Found it to be rather humerous and wonder what others would think.

> Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women
> PREGNANCY Q & A & more!
>
>
> Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
> A: No, 35 children is enough.
>
> Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my
> baby move?
> A: With any luck, right after he finishes
> college.
>
> Q: What is the most reliable method to
> determine a baby's sex?
> A: Childbirth.
>
> Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody
> that sometimes she's
> borderline irrational.
> A: So what's your question?
>
> Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain
> I'll feel during labor,
> but
> pressure. Is she right?
> A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be
> called an air current.
>
> Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
> A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
>
> Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the
> delivery room while my wife
> is in labor?
> A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything
> to you.
>
> Q: Is there anything I should avoid while
> recovering from childbirth?
> A: Yes, pregnancy.
>
> Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
> A: Not if you change the baby's
>
> diapervery quickly.
>
> Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my
> wife begin to feel and act
> normal again?
> A: When the kids are in college.
>
>
> "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
>
> 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
>
> 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
> 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese
> omelet.
> 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your
> jeans.
> 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to
> everything you say.
> 5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up
> every bumper sticker
> that says: "How's my driving-call 1-800-"
> 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to
> batting-practice.
> 7. Everyone seems to have just landed here
> from "outer space."
> 8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon
> bigger than Super Plus.
> 9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to
> drive you crazy.
> 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you
> bought it yesterday.
>
> TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
>
> 10. Cat's facial expressions.
>
> 9. The need for the same style of shoes
> in different colors.
> 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
> 7. Fat clothes.
> 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your
> best time.
> 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream,
> off-white, and eggshell.
> 4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
> 3. Eyelash curlers.
> 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever
> made.
>
> AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
>
> 1. OTHER WOMEN

- GQ

... it was the love of the air and sky and flying, the lure of adventure, the appreciation of beauty ...
-Charles Lindberg

[skykitten 0]

What it is to be a woman... a users guide.
Your friends or family might like to tell you that understanding women is a matter of timing responses to hormones. I feel it is my responsibility to inform you that you're wrong. You're always wrong. Stop trying to understand us.
Here's a good example:
A woman wakes up feeling homicidal. She does not usually feel murderous urges... Is this a problem?
If you need to ask, you should probably check to see where your murderous woman is. If you can't find her, run.
My girlfriend only wants to watch girly movies. What do I do?
Buy the tickets... and popcorn with butter. Yes, we know she ordered diet Coke. Buttered popcorn helps women lose weight.
My wife tells me that I need to listen to what she is saying.
Your wife is right. She knows that your friends prefer cheap beer in bottles over cheap beer in cans. She can tell you what your friends drive. She also knows what sort of underwear you were wearing when you left the house.
The girl I'm dating is very cool... should I let her know what I think of her?
The girl you are checking out has already done a background check on you. If you're not in jail, by all means, go ahead.
I could go on... but that would remove most of the fun from dating. Goodness gracious, us girlies don't want to deprive you guys of your pleasures!

When walking up to an officer, it is not advisable to say, "Trick or Donut." Seriously.