Tuesday Funny

[jessd 0]

Not sure how true this is - but it's still funny.

This is a true story about a recent wedding that took
place at Clemson University. It was in the local
newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up
on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He
said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair,including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests'
reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the
best man and said,! "F--- you!".
Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!".
Then he turned tothe dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here." He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have canceled the wedding
immediately after finding out about the affair, this
guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were
wrong. His revenge...making the bride's parents
pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and
reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and
best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and
family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells. Do you think we might get a MasterCard
"priceless" commercial out of this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends..........................$32,000.

Wedding photographs commemorating the
occasion.........................$3,000.

Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in
Maui.............................$8,500.

The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10
glossy of the bride humping the best
man..........Priceless.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away..."

[Guest]

Big brass ones that go "Clack-Clack-Clackity-Clack" when he walks...

Snopes, anyone?

edit to add URL.

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[CrazyIvan 0]

It doesn't matter if it's true or not...IT'S FUNNY!!!!

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[jessd 0]

Here's another one. Got it in an email today titled "Company Policy"

DRESS CODE:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers &carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need
a raise.

SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday &Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:

All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical Order. For instance, all
employees whose names begin with 'A' will go From 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees
may swap their time with a co-worker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of Three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

LUNCH BREAK:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take
a diet pill.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,
complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

Management

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away..."

[n2skdvn 0]

Quote

Snopes, anyone?

checked it not there i do remember hearing somthing about it on a radio show once,
might be true.

if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN
my site

[PhillyKev 0]

Quote

Quote

Snopes, anyone?

checked it not there i do remember hearing somthing about it on a radio show once,
might be true.

Ummm..he linked directly to it.

[Skymonkey13 0]

I enjoy reading your funnies.

[2fat2fly 0]

Since I live about 8 miles from Clemson(pronounced Clemp-sun)-a little local input , if the story were true, it wouldn't be that big of a deal since the bride, groom and best man are probably first or second cousins anyway

I am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried

[TEB6363 0]

I love the "Company Policy" joke. Makes me think of Dilbert... that guy is like Carnak the Great...

Once the plane takes off, you're gonna have to land - Might as well jump out!!