How much do physical appearances matter?

[skygal3 0]

Here is an interesting question to ponder. Say you meet someone, not in person. The internet, over the phone, whatever. You get along very well with this person; you laugh, just an all over feel good connection. It is obvious that this is a great person with their head screwed on fairly straight. When you meet this person, you discover they have a physical difference. Would that difference affect the way you felt about them?

At work, I have been speaking with a district rep for a few months and we have always gotten along very well. Today we finally met in person. She had obviously been burned severely at some point in her life because her face was badly scarred. As were her hands. I also noticed that she is not married. I started to wonder if people are really that shallow to reject her because of her physical appearance. Here is a beautiful woman with a beautiful personality…but burned. Personally, it would not affect how I feel for someone, but I wonder. If you connected with someone and they turned out to have physical flaw, would you accept them for that and love them despite or would it affect the way you felt for them?

[Casie 0]

Appearances are not all that matters in my opinion. You could be Cindy Crawford, but...eventually age catches up with ya & you don't look like that forever! It's what's in the heart that matters. You could be the "catch of the year" so to speak & having a really bad personality...that's not going to get ya very far. If you really think about.....everyone I've ever dated had some type of flaw but you look past it...it doesn't matter.

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[JJohnson 0]

Under normal human situations, of which the internet chattting is not one of them, attraction between two people is primarily physical.

Not to say that this cannot be overcome or fucked up by personality, attitude etc.

If you get to know someone, without ever seeing them perhaps that is a plus.....However perhaps the anonimity of the internet is misleading as well. It's much easier to act when not in front of an audience.

JJ

"Call me Darth Balls"

[Vallerina 2]

Physical appearances matter to an extent. I won't date someone who can't take care of themselves. I won't date someone who doesn't shower regularly, has poor dental hygiene, or is so lazy (I'm not talking about physical problems with this) that they can't walk a mile without getting winded.

Beyond that, it's not much of a concern of mine (that's not to say I wouldn't begin drooling if David Duchovny walked into my office.) I have made out with people with abnormal features, and I never really thought about it. Looks don't make a person stand out. Personality/humor/intelligence make a person stand out from the large amount of bland men.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[happythoughts 0]

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. I won't date someone who doesn't shower regularly, ... or is so lazy

Darn it.

[Islandcool 0]

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I also noticed that she is not married. I started to wonder if people are really that shallow to reject her because of her physical appearance. Here is a beautiful woman with a beautiful personality…but burned.

Being very careful here..... Some things are harder accept than others. A person might be able to handle disfigurement from being badly burned. Others may be able to handle an amputation...so on and so forth. I think I'm a pretty accepting person but I know there are a few things I would have a difficult time getting over. Hard to answer a question like this since there are so many variable that could be involved. Of course building that bond without the distraction of appearance take things to another level. Also the comfort level that person has with their own appearance would make a difference. Ok I have no clue how to answer this question. I would have to take it on case by case.

Ed

[TheBile 0]

I may be shallow in saying this, although bear in mind that I'm not speaking from experience, but I feel that in the internet scenario you presented the physical appearance may be the difference for me personally between loving someone as a friend or loving someone as a lover.

That said I also believe that different people find different physical characteristics attractive.

The internet is also something which people can hide behind. Someone who has low self esteem in their appearance may feel much more freedom in being themselves when they are not talking face to face with another person, simply because the self conciious element or spotlight effect is removed. They have the comfort of cyberspace and distance seperating their physical selves from another person. If they were to eventually meet then the personalities may well change from that which the internet presents.

Gerb

I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

[nacmacfeegle 0]

Nah, never, I absolutely refuse to discriminate against people like this.
I'm pretty ugly, am a strange shape , and have about 19% of my body covered with burn scars, mostly hidden, and pretty well healed but I can't really be too choosy!
Try this as an example, if you gave birth to a kid that were to be born with down's syndrome or something similar, would love that kid any less?
No?
I didn't think so.

--------------------

He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson

[Tonto 1]

There are many kinds of love. I think in our "fast food/fast love" world we sometimes don't get to know people well enough before we commit to them physically - and much as some will deny it - without the physical attraction - we would not be breeding ourselves to the brink of extinction.

Once that initial desire peters out/disipates etc - if there is not a bond other than the physical - the relationship will fail. I think that suits some people - but not everyone.

t

It's the year of the Pig.

[skygal3 0]

No, I totally agree. I just threw the internet in there as an option, but I guess it is a big difference, esp. how you put it. Wow. That is a different thread all in itself.

Just seems lately people are more down on themselves. I also work with a 17 year old kid who has a huge scar across his head, pretty much from ear to ear. I asked him if he is growing his hair out because it is getting longer, and he said only until Sunday...??? Prom is Sat night, his friend set him up with a girl, and he doesn't want her to see his scar.

Interesting..I have always felt that I am more attractive because of the person that I am, more so than my physical appearance. Also I have known many physically attractive people that lost their luster after seeing what is going on inside...

Personally flaws do not matter..actually, they make people seem more real to me. Honesty is very attractive.

[skydyvr 0]

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Would that difference affect the way you felt about them?

Speaking as a person with the exact same difference you described in your friend, I can tell you that most people are accepting and ok with me after they get over the initial shock of seeing something they don't often see. I win 'em over with my winning personality and big smile. Only a small percentage of the population is so shallow as to issue complete and permanent rejection.

I can tell you that I've had no troubles in the world of love, having been married to a very sweet and gorgeous woman for 8 years, which ended in the most amicable divorce of all time, and now with an other sweetie for the last 11 years.

Getting a burn, losing a limb, having some other deformity -- these things are best dealt with when they happen to kids (as happened to me). I was able to continue my life successfully (for the most part) thanks to the fact that I was psychologically resilient and able to cope with being pretty heavily scarred. My own self acceptance helps the people in my life "get over it" too. In my case, people don't even notice the scars after a while.

But when these kinds of tragedies happen to adults, it is much, much harder to adjust and cope and get over it. I think it has something to do with an inability to find self acceptance, which then translates into their entire life and relationships. I feel a lot of sadness for those people.

My heart goes out to your friend because she is a woman. I've always thought it was easier for guys than gals to bear any kind of scars. I wouldn't want to guess why she isn't married, but it surely isn't because there's just no one decent out there that would accept her. There is.

. . =(_8^(1)

[ThighMan 5]

This may be shallow or not but, Looks attract, Personality keeps. You can be the best looking woman in the world but if you can't hold a conversation beyond giggling, forget it. On the other hand, you could be the smartest woman in the world but was "BUTT" ugly, forget it.

Airborne
Blue Skies, No Wind
Feet and Knees Together

[mouth 0]

I had the priviledge of spending a few hours with Dana Bowman last night. Dana is one of the neatest people I have ever met. He is an accomplished skydiver and member of the Golden Knights, helicpoter instructor pilot, commercial pilot, and hot air balloon pilot among other things.

Dana also walks with the use of two artificial legs. He was injured in 1994 in a skydiving accident that took both his legs and killed his partner. He also lost the sense of taste in the accident. This hasn't stopped Dana though. He makes demo jumps all over, packs his own parachute, makes motivational speeches, and still drinks beer with friends. BTW, it is Heinekin with a lime because the lime adds tecture and tartness to the beer.

My point to all this is if you look at someone with a percieved disability or disfigurement and see someone who can't achieve goals then you greatly reduce YOUR ability to broaden your horizons. If all you see is the perfect body then you miss so much in life.

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.

[skymama 37]

Oh wow, I remember seeing the video of his accident and an interview on tv. How lucky for you to have met him! From the interview I saw, he really seemed like he has a wonderful attitude and outlook on life.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Deuce 1]

They matter a ton. I was obese most of my life. Now I'm not. People are much nicer, they think you're smarter, they don't interrupt you when you talk, they don't assume you're lazy, they look you in the eye.

From inside this body looking out, I don't think I've changed, but boy-howdy, the way the world regards me surely has.

[blondeflyer7 0]

Appearances do not ever matter.......what is inside a person makes them who they are....They could be a beautiful person that does nothing but say stuff that makes them ugly....I got that one down pat from personal experiences...Anyway if they have a beautiful self to them they are beautiful to me.

[mouth 0]

You and I have also discussed the fact that how you feel about yourself effects how others treat you. If you have low self esteem others are likely to pick up on that and treat you differently.

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.

[Deuce 1]

Yep, we have! And hanging out with my DZ.buddies makes me feel so good I glow in the dark!

Good point, Lisa! When a person isn't careful, people close to them get control over their self-esteem knob. When you're not watching, or just not paying attention, it can get turned to zero.

Then a freind will come along and ask, why is your knob set to zero? And you reply what knob? and they say "This one, honey" and they turn it all the way to the stop.

Yowza.

This one goes to 11!

Mouth is a blessing that walks around in little teeny shoes.

[steve1 5]

It's too bad that physical appearance does play such a big part in what we think of other people. I'd like to think I'm above all that and not a shallow person, but it does affect how I feel about some people. I mean how many men are attracted to a grossly overweight, bearded woman. She could have the greatest personality in the world and still not have a boyfriend. I wish things were different, but I think we all have predjudices we need to work on.

I recall listening to a speaker who was severely injured in Vietnam. His group was in a fire-fight and he was in the process of throwing a white phosphorus grenade when a bullet hit the grenade. It exploded in his hand taking his arm off and scarring him for life. He was horribly burned and looked like a monster. But talk about an inspiring person. His wife remained married to him and he seemed like one of the most heads up people I have ever listened to.

I listened to another speaker who was born with no arms. Your first impression was that this might be some kind of freak. I mean the guy ate with his feet of all things. But five minutes of talking with the guy and you realized he was made of better stuff than most of us are. Adversity can make one a better person. Too bad we don't all have more understanding when judging a person by their appearance.....Steve1

[billvon 3,077]

>If you connected with someone and they turned out to have physical
> flaw, would you accept them for that and love them despite or would
> it affect the way you felt for them?

I met Amy on the net, and she looked absolutely nothing like what I expected her to look like. (No flaws or anything, just complete disconnect from my image.) Seeing as we're getting married, I think I could answer yes to that.

When Molly's face was messed up it didn't affect how I felt about her. (You can't even tell now; plastics is pretty amazing.) The first woman I ever really fell for was Kelly Grant, and she had some pretty big scars on her face from a dog attack. Odd that makeup, jewelry etc bug me but scars don't.

[mouth 0]

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Mouth is a blessing that walks around in little teeny
shoes

Actually just calling things like I see them which can be a blessing and a curse.

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.

[Keith 0]

Most physical differences wouldn't matter at all to me. I was hot for a guy in high school that was badly disfigured in a fire - he just had one of those personalities. I was also very attracted to a parapalegic I met at a boogie several years ago. He is such an incredible guy - too bad he's straight. The point is, I tend to be more attracted to who a person is rather than what they are. I get offended when people tell me "oh Keith, you can do better than thaaaat." OK I'll step off my soap box now . . .

Keith

Don't Fuck with me Keith - J. Mandeville

[jfields 0]

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Nah, never, I absolutely refuse to discriminate against people like this.

Me either in social or business dealings. But I if we are all brutally honest, appearance does play a role in physical attraction toward potential lovers. The specific thing (burns) isn't one that would bother me, but others are. It has nothing to do with respect or character.

Some people just "have a thing" for a particular attribute. Maybe they love readheads, or big butts, or tall people, or whatever. It isn't even necessarily a conscious decision. Just the same way people have subconcious attractions, they can have things that they don't prefer. It isn't a matter of being prejudiced, because you can't really apply that to love, and nobody is being mistreated.

These things are factors in how we unconsciously perceive others. The more we know them, the more other factors there are, and the less it generally matters, but if it is a strong enough aversion, it may override the other issue. Some aspect of sexual attraction are biochemical. If you know someone is your sibling, you don't feel that attraction to them, unless you live in Georgia, West Virginia or Alabama.

It is complicated stuff. You can't dictate who people should find equally attractive as prospective partners. As long as they aren't malicious and maintain civility, that is all that is fair to ask.

[monarch135 0]

read "Glamaroma" scary!!!!

[Luv2Fall 0]

My wife, as a young child, was so badly burned, she spent two years in a hospital. Physical appearance is overrated...........and, to a degree, shallow.

I've always taken care of myself through years of jogging, working out and proper diet..........but if, even now, or if I ever let myself go and people don't like my appearance - fuck'em.