Michele 1 #1 May 9, 2003 I have a nocturnal visitor is why I look so tired. I've just discovered that. Well, I suspected it, but now I know. The first clue was the continuing prints outside my bedroom window. Tracking to and fro, I've seen them many times. Brush is disturbed, twigs broken, leaves scattered, and those footprints. I thought it might be an errant peeping tom or something, made sure my curtains stayed closed, and never minded. After all, it's me, nothing to peep at, move along. The second clue was the continuing dicombobulation of the kitties. They lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling or the window, ears flattened, not purring. They have slunk through the bedroom, under the queensize 4-poster, and scattered. Or crawled under the covers, cowering. I thought it was because the stray cats were lurking outside. I thought it was because maybe I had a ghost. Or, maybe because it's earthquake country, there was a little shifting of the ground, they're hearing a creak and being scaredy cats. They are the epitome of that phrase - "scaredy cats". The third clue to my nocturnal visitor is this most interesting smell. Kind of fuzzy, kind of wild, almost like hot mold...I thought perhaps there was a slow leak in my house - the shower water pressure is low, and the drain has attitude; while out looking at the peeping tom's footprints, I was also looking for dampness...but never found it. But there's this smell...it comes and goes, and if there's a wind, it doesn't happen at all. And it's not overpowering, you see, just sort of underlying, like heavy air. Sometimes it smells like nasty poo, but mostly, it just smells like green musty fuzz. Air freshener deals very effectively with that, as does one of those big scented candles (hey, I'm a girl!) And then there's this odd noise. Kinda hard to describe. Kind of a whistling whirring, almost like a humming buzz. Well, maybe more like a loud purring with a whistle underneath it. Every once in a while I'd catch a sibilant sound, stop what I was doing, and listen intently. But it was fleeting, this whirring whistle, brief and scattered. I have not been able to identify it, but thought it intruiging. Maybe some adventuresome crickets, really big crickets, but nothing to alarm me. Crickets need love and space, too... All of this is transient. Intermittent. Come and go, sometimes here, sometimes not. Nothing big, and certainly nothing alarming (o.k., the potential peeping tom was, but heck, he couldn't see anything, so what's to be worried about?) But then, see, the last clue. This clue came at 4:15 am this morning....an unearthly commotion, scrabbling scratching clicking - imagine fingernails on blackboards only really loud - right behind my headboard. There I am, sound alseep, snuggled under the quilts, dreaming of skydiving (yes, really!!!), and then I am wide awake, cats yowling, fleeing, thumping over me as we try to scramble away...me thinking what the hell is this, not feeling any shaking, wondering why am I awake...and the whirring whistling sound accompanies this. Through my sleep-clouded brain, my I-haven't-had-coffee-yet brain, my "I wanna finish that kewl dream" brain, it occurs to me... That damned raccoon lives in my bedroom wall behind my headboard and he's trying to scratch his way into my house! I slam my hands into the wall where the noise is coming from...and jumping up and down on the raised floor, I holler "shoo! Go 'way!" And the noise, thankfully, stops. I crawl back into bed, thinking, well, I'll call the landlord in a few hours...and then the 'coon starts back up...and this time, he doesn't stop when I jump around thumping the wall and hollering like a crazy woman. And it occurs to me....Chad, my neighbor, may decide I need rescuing again, so I stop jumping up and down, and come meet the kitties out in my living room...which is where I will stay. "Gee, Michele, why do you look so tired?"... because I have a freekin' raccoon trying to move in with me! Yikes..... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #2 May 9, 2003 Oh, hon....I'm sorry, but that's so funny. Isn't the pet police or someone or 'nother supposed to come and help you capture the critter? Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #3 May 9, 2003 They came, they saw, they didn't conquer, so they left... Round 1 to the critter. BUT!!! The war shall be won by meeeeeeeeeee. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sinker 0 #4 May 9, 2003 That was a VERY entertaining piece... made me smile on a dreary Friday morning. Thanks for the story! Give the 'coon hell! -the artist formerly known as sinker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mouth 0 #5 May 9, 2003 That's what you get for inviting him in once. Give him an inch and he is obviously taking a mile. Sorry to hear your sleep is being effected. -- Hot Mama At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Islandcool 0 #6 May 9, 2003 Quote They came, they saw, they didn't conquer, so they left... Round 1 to the critter. BUT!!! The war shall be won by meeeeeeeeeee. You will need superior fire power for this one. The enemy is cunning and quick! He may be sending for reinforcements. Mr. Opossum will play dead till your close enough to poke it with a stick then....Wham...Mr. Skunk will nail you with the tear gas. You will be stunned long enough for Mr. Raccoon to slip in the door and eat the cat food and take over communications. He will post anti-michele propaganda all over the DZ.com forums. This could get ugly. Becareful.... Ok I'm cracking up nowOtter one this is your 1560 min call. Ed Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #7 May 9, 2003 Fox urine? Uh, no..... I tried the nice way. I was willing to live and let live, you know? No problems. But now, see, now he's interrupting my sleep. And I take no prisoners once my sleep is interrupted. None. Mr. Skunk has nothing on this irish chick. Mr. Raccoon will not deprive the cats of food. And Mr Possum is so ugly he's cute, but that will not stop me. I poke nothing lying still with a stick. My weapon? It's tricky, sneaky, and totally unexpected. The telephone. The Landlord. A call. An irate, exhausted, taurus Irish chick raised by a New York Jew. Yup. That should do it. And if that fails, the shotgun. The Burbank version of Shock and Awe. It's called Pellets and Aim. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Islandcool 0 #8 May 9, 2003 Quote Fox urine? Ok so I didn't read it that well.... Ed Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #9 May 9, 2003 Kay, it's 7:20, and light outside. It's fully daytime. The sun is up, yellow orb glaring at me, teasing me, making my eyes hurt. I feel like a grumpy vampire. I have a full day's work in front of me. This is not going to be fun... I need sleep. Can't sleep. Raccoons will attack me... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nacmacfeegle 0 #10 May 9, 2003 Just hurry up and let the critter in, this raccoon suit is starting to itch! -------------------- He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Islandcool 0 #11 May 9, 2003 Quote I need sleep. Can't sleep. Raccoons will attack me... Here's a training film.Ed Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #12 May 9, 2003 Hey, Ed? This isn't helping me.... From the link: QuoteTanuki (animals native to Asia which look like raccoons) living in the forest near a government construction project, are being threatened by the destruction of their habitat. Banding together and seeking help from other tribes of Tanuki, they live up to their traditionally mischievous reputation by changing their shape and trying to sabotage the construction effort. Damn thing isn't changing shape, and, as Kev pointed out, it must be a really skinny critter to live in my walls.... And I'm not destroying his habitat. I live in the middle of the city, on a large through-way, highly travelled street (Cora can attest to this...). This place has been here nearly 100 years. He's got some odd vendetta. Do raccoons have genetic memories? Is he taking it out on me because of what my ancestors did to his ancestors? Is this some Jungian basal ganglia memory coming to the fore? Is he mad at me because while I thought I was feeding Penguin, the stray cat, I was really feeding him and then realized it and stopped? Is that it? He's hungry? Mr. Raccoon, there's a whole alley to go hunt in. And if he'd let the pet police catch him, he'd be in the forest, lurking a tree, smelling fox pee and not be concerned about encroaching humanity. Matter of fact, he would've been released behind the Castaway Restaurant, which, I am sure, has far more delectable trash than whatever he can discover in my walls. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... of course not! I am being stalked by a 'coon...an obsessive, smelly, giant, scary rodent. Eeeeewwwwwwww!!! HA! Who cares? I will win this battle. I shall call the landlord. Gawd, I'm tired.... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflyz 0 #13 May 9, 2003 You need to see this on the lighter side.. Let the coon move in extra jumping money problem solved...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Islandcool 0 #14 May 9, 2003 Quote He's got some odd vendetta. Do raccoons have genetic memories? Possibly...I know sharks do from Jaws 4 "The Revenge". Wasn't that one of those docudramas?Ed Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #15 May 9, 2003 Oh, great. The Revenge of The Raccoons....my life is a poorly shot, grade B movie. . It's light out, and he's still scratching around. Aren't they nocturnal? I was thinking I'd go lay down for a brief nap. Just went into my bedroom, and the creepy rodent f&*ker is still scrabbling around in my walls, making that humming whistling whirring noise. God, this is really creepy. It's really creepy. I mean, yuck. AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkyDekker 1,465 #16 May 9, 2003 just go get yourself a gun at Wal Mart (they won't sell you a Maxim cause that is against their family image, am I the only one who finds that odd?) and shoot the coon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #17 May 9, 2003 Quote just go get yourself a gun at Wal Mart There's a 2 week waiting period here in CA....and you know what? If I don't get sleep for 2 weeks, and I have a new gun....there could be serious issues. Just off the phone with Animal control. Here is the conversation: Me: There's a raccoon in my wall. Please come help. AC: That's not our job. Me: What? AC: Not our job. And how do you know it's a raccoon in your wall? Me: (Relates the story of the invasion, and last night's adventures). AC: (Laughing) Sorry, Ma'am, but we can't help. We can rent you traps if you want. By the way, do you live in Burbank? Me: Of course I live here! Why else would I call you??? So let me understand this. There's a big rodent infestation in the City of Burbank, and you won't come help me? AC: No. We can't open the walls. Me: There's obviously a hole where he got in. You don't need to open the walls. Can you use that hole? AC: No. We don't go under houses, into walls, or in attics. If you have a snake on your porch, we'd help...but we don't go into dark areas. Me: Somehow, this is not making any sense to me. I'll give you a flashlight, o.k.? AC: Let me give you the number for a service who will come out. (Gives me the number). AC: Good luck. Me: Gee, thanks. I call the number, and it's wrong! Somewhere in Colorado Springs. Hell, I prolly got a MOAB on it's way or something. I call AC back, and inform them the number's wrong. AC: Are you sure? Me: Yes. AC: Well, when you get the right number, let us have it, o.k.? WTF? I'm stranded. Alone, no help, no white kight in shining armour, the City won't go into the dark, and I've got a freekin raccoon living in my walls. But you can bet your patoot that should I shoot the wall, there would be lots of "assistance" from the City Police. Maybe if I just start screaming. Maybe Chad my goofy neighbor is all there is. Oh heaven help us all... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #18 May 9, 2003 Try calling the Humane Society. I know here in WI if you call them about something like that, they will try to help you.Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #19 May 9, 2003 The Landlord can't (won't???) get anyone out any earlier than Monday. And they won't allow me to call any of my sources, unless I am willing to pay for it. Great. 'Coon won round 2. But there's 10 more rounds to go.... ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Islandcool 0 #20 May 9, 2003 Quote 'Coon won round 2. Post this outside and maybe it'll scare him off.Ed Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rgoper 0 #21 May 9, 2003 coons love catfood. leave the little fella some catfood out in a dish, get him used to eating it, after that just add a little anti-freeze to the catfood, end of problem. i'm not trying to be cruel, but if you don't have a live trap, other than tearing out you wall and eradicating him, i just don't know of any other way to get shed of it. good luck.--Richard-- "We Will Not Be Shaken By Thugs, And Terroist" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #22 May 9, 2003 I still have several hours to get the "damsel in distress" thing going...and I kid you not, if there's another night of this rigamarole, I will lose my mind. I've shut off the bedroom and bathroom so in case it gets in it will be trapped in there. 'Course, this also means I can't use the potty or go to bed tonight.... I am checking varmint laws as soon as my broker comes back in (he's the expert on varmints...), and will be looking into making sure I get this critter gone. Soon. By sunset.... Thanks for the recipes...they may come in handy. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #23 May 9, 2003 Quote coons love catfood Yes, well, 'coons love catfood and absolutely adore stupid, simpering cat owners who are dumb. Thus the origination of this problem.... Quotei just don't know of any other way to get shed of it Shotgun. Or an exterminator who has the courage to go under the house, into the dark, spidery dankness and capture this little nasty 'coon... Quotegood luck. Yeah. Yikes....and I thought I only needed a luck bucket when jumping out of airplanes or driving through the city... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rgoper 0 #24 May 9, 2003 QuoteOr an exterminator who has the courage to go under the house, into the dark, spidery dankness and capture this little nasty 'coon... i doubt you'll find someone who will go under the house to get him, coons are very, very mean, and ill tempered and more often than not carry dieseases. if a live trap is not available, the soft catfood is the only thing i know that will work, maybe keep you personal pets penned up for a day or two? anyway, in the country where i live this is how we get them, if not by live trap, because they are nocturnal and mean as hell.--Richard-- "We Will Not Be Shaken By Thugs, And Terroist" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #25 May 9, 2003 Don't kill the racoon. Not unless you have to. Skydiving is for cool people only Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
