monday joke

[ScottishJohn 25]

I was happy. My girlfriend and I were dating for over a year, and we decided
to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my
girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me (quite a bit actually), and that was
my mother-in-law to be.
She was a career woman, smart; but most of all beautiful and sexy, who
sometimes flirted with me, quite obviously too, and it made me feel
uncomfortable.

One day, she called me and asked me to come over to check out the
invitations.
So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me, that I
was soon to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she
could not overcome.

So before I get married and commit my life to her daughter, she wants to
make love to me just once.
What could I say? I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
So she said, I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up to it, just come and
get me. I watched as her delicious behind went up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment, turned around and went to the front door. I
opened it, and stepped out of the house.
Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes hugged me and
said that they were both very happy and pleased that I passed their little
test.

They could not have asked for a better man for their daughter.
They welcomed me into the family.

Lesson learned: Always keep your condoms in your car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

[jfields 0]

ScottishJohn,

You need to work on your postwhoring skills. You have clearly been negligent in your duty to read all the boards on a regular basis. This joke was posted less than a week ago.

We will let you off with a mere reprimand this time, but you'll get no such leniency next time. Note that having a life/girlfriend/wife/child/job is not a valid excuse, nor is a note from your mother or doctor.

Just don't let it happen again, and we'll all be good to go.

[jceman 1]

Quote

ScottishJohn,

You need to work on your postwhoring skills. You have clearly been negligent in your duty to read all the boards on a regular basis. This joke was posted less than a week ago.

We will let you off with a mere reprimand this time, but you'll get no such leniency next time. Note that having a life/girlfriend/wife/child/job is not a valid excuse, nor is a note from your mother or doctor.

Just don't let it happen again, and we'll all be good to go.

Yes, and that posting was at least the second of this particular funny.

The level of postwhoring sure has been shoddy lately.

Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money.

Why do they call it "Tourist Season" if we can't shoot them?

[2fat2fly 0]

[happythoughts 0]

Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is aspirin and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean, as is the rest of the house.

Taking the aspirins he notices a note on the table, "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." In the kitchen is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Larry asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3:00 a.m., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, 'Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!'"