Skydiving Limericks

[redtwiga 0]

There once was a jumper named Fred
Who knew how to fly on his head
In freefall he'd dock
With a warp or a spock
But his swoops were something to dread!

[kingbunky 3]

there once was a jumper named bunky,
who flopped around in the air like a monkey.
he'd chip and he'd slide,
always getting a wild ride.
as a result his openings could get funky.

"Hang on a sec, the young'uns are throwin' beer cans at a golf cart."
MB4252 TDS699
killing threads since 2001

[redtwiga 0]

There once was a sport called skydiving
That got women and menfolk conniving
The Man's boot they'd lick it
For a jump ticket
Thank lordy the fall was reviving!

Good god, I'm hilarious!

[Sebazz1 2]

There once was an ass named Nathan
Whose feet smelled of rotting bacon
He like to touch his dick
And my what a tiny little prick
But his ego was as big as this nation...


So it's not pretty but it's functional

[Guest]

There once was a man from Stromboul
Who soliliquied thus to his tool:
"You've taken my wealth,
You've ruined my health,
And now you won't pee, you old fool."

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[redtwiga 0]

I once heard of jumping from planes
But what I say is "you's insanes"
Some sort of thingy
Pops out like a dingy
And saves you from numerous pains?

Yeah right.

[ed. note: you're allowed to make up words like "insanes" for limericks. it's called artisitic license. my mommy said so.]

[Sebazz1 2]

There was chute named Stiletto
Always ready to go go
It packed real easy
Did not like it when breazy
And swooped like you wouldn't know...



(Yeah baby ~ it's ugly but it's functional)

[wmw999 2,589]

There once was some Haiku on Talkback
That was started by some poetry hack
But people got bored
Haiku quantity lowered
But limericks keep us on track

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[redtwiga 0]

There once was a weekend of rain
Not one load went up, what a pain
All day we did wait
For the clouds to abait
But alas, it all was in vain.

And now it's monday. And beautiful looking from my office window...
!@#$%^*&*

[kallend 2,150]

There once was a jumper named Fern
Who liked to perform a hook turn
But one day, "Oh No!
She hooked it too low"
And her remains ended up in an Urn.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[TheBile 0]

There once was a young Aussie named Suz
Who jumped with a bottle of booze
She spent the whole minute
Just trying not to spill it
And not one small drop did she lose

There was a Manifester called Blue
Who quite honestly didn't have a clue
She booked on the flight
A man with no sight
And his guide dog went up with him too.

There was a cute diver called Skystorm
Who's jumpsuit was slighlty not norm
It had holes in it see
From from the neck to the knee
She wasn't exactly that warm

Gerb

I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

[TheBile 0]

There was a young Brummie called Matt
Who BASE jumped into a big vat
It was full to the brim
With shit oh so grim.
So the last thing he heard was a splatt.

Gerb

I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

[highfly 0]

There was a jumper called Gerb
He gets so high, but not on the Herb,
His eyes are squirly
His coat oh so furry
My blether mate, Gerb

www.myspace.com/durtymac

[TheBile 0]

There was an old Scotsmen called Nac
Who's age meant he had a bad back
His osteoporsis
And extreme halitosis
Meant skydiving he could no longer hack

Gerb

I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

[TheBile 0]

There was a young student called Heli
Who's learning to fly on his belly
After all that Black Label
He cannot keep stable
Cos' his gut flops around like a Jelly

Gerb

I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

[DYEVOUT 0]

There once was a student worth mention
Who pulled while too much in extension
He dove a bit low
His PC he did throw
And that Sabre sure got his attention.

(walking slowly today)

----------------=8^)----------------------
"I think that was the wrong tennis court."

[redtwiga 0]

There once was a jumper named Devon
Who's height was about 4 foot 7
His rig was so small
It made him look tall
And got girls' motors a-revin'


Damn damn damn i'm good!

[DYEVOUT 0]

There once was a 15 jump "hack"
Who deployed too soon after a track
The ditter said "now"
The big Sabre went POW
Now he walks around with a sore back.

----------------=8^)----------------------
"I think that was the wrong tennis court."

[TheBile 0]

Quote

There was an old Scotsmen called Nac
Who's age meant he had a bad back
His osteoporsis
And extreme halitosis
Meant skydiving he could no longer hack

I would just like to point out that this particular limeric is total fiction and in no way reflects the true nature or physical incapabilities of Mr.NacMacfeegle. Those of you who have met him (and judging by the names he drops on a regular basis, most of you have) you'll know that he is not old, he does not have a bad back, he has a perfectly healthy bone structure, he does not have any bad breath problems and, despite his middle age (as opposed to the old age mentioned in the lymerick) he can still skydive perfectly well with the best of you.

The lymerick was in no way meant to undermine the respect and admiration we all have for my fellow Celt, and this newbie apologises for any undue upset caused by said post.

(Do you think he will buy it ? Yeah, I think it sounds ok.)

Gerb

I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

[nacmacfeegle 0]

I'm satisfied Gerb, unfortunately my Legion of Libel Lawyers have been set in motion, and have already incurred huge expenses in their pusuit of justice.

I will call off the Lawdogs in the interests of trans-Celtic harmony, however the money you have saved up to pay for the recommencement of your AFF will probably go straight into their pockets.
I will inform you of the actual sum involved in this out of court settlement in due course. Via horribly expensive lawyer's letter, of course.

I'm prepared to waive all expenses, and forget this whole sorry affair, if you sign yourself over to being Mininac's packing bitch for the duration of his jumping career!

--------------------

He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson

[highfly 0]

Like we said Nac. Mininac will have his A before G so he may as well be his packing bitch.

www.myspace.com/durtymac

[TheBile 0]

Mininac is way too valuable to the world to entrust his safety to someone like me. Instead of packing, how about I wash his jumpsuit every day to get off the grass stains he will regularly accumulate.

Gerb

I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

[TheBile 0]

Scratch is giving me jip soooo .............

There was a South African called Scratch
Who was the first of a very bad batch
Babes on the DZ
He does chat up with glee
but fails 'cos he's no f**king catch.

Gerb

I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

[nacmacfeegle 0]

Okay, if we agree on 'stains' and not differentiate on their origin, I think we have a deal.
At the current rate, that will be 4 'stains' a day, you'd better get busy Gerb!

--------------------

He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson

[TheBile 0]

There was a Slovenian called Grega
Who jumped like a Red Dwarfing Smegger
He tried a kiss pass
On a blonde bimbo's ass.
That guy is a dirty old beggar.

Gerb

I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !