rules women need to know about men

[skybeergodd 0]

Well I've finally found them.....All the rules women need to read to understand MEN.
THE RULES -- THIS TIME BY MEN!!!!!

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note . These are all numbered "1" on purpose!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

2. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

3. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

7. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

8. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

9. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

10. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

11. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

12. Check your oil and tires! Please.

13. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

14. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys

15. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

16. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

17. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

18. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

19. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

20. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

21. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

22. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

23. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

24. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

25. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

26. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

27. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

28. You have enough clothes.

29. You have too many shoes.

30. Peanuts are as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

31. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

[Zeemax 0]

amen

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[Viking 0]

oh my good lord!!! that is ground breaking!!!!!!! i have NEVER..........EVER seen anything like that!!!!! Just wow that changed my life man................. sorry i am just being a smart ass today

I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver
My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin

[Laurel 0]

jealousy will get you no where, young man. You just wish you could bat your eyes and get whatever you want.

.....................................................................
PMS#28, Pelogrande Rodriguez#1074
My Pink M

[Viking 0]

ummm i don't think its your eyes that get you things sweetie.......

I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver
My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin

[andy2 0]

I've been following the wrong rule book this whole time then, I guess that's what the problem is. Who knew respect and good manners would get me nowhere with the ladies

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let my inspiration flow,
in token rhyme suggesting rhythm...

[Laurel 0]

Well, whatever works. In the immortal words of Cartman, "Whateva'! It's my hot body. I'll do what I want."

.....................................................................
PMS#28, Pelogrande Rodriguez#1074
My Pink M

[wmw999 2,558]

I think you found the rules here. Just doing a search on "toilet seat inadmissible" I found 7 threads (including yours, I'll admit) started with this. On of them about a week ago.

Yes, I'm being tacky. One of women's rules is "deal with it."
Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

jealousy will get you no where, young man. You just wish you could bat your eyes and get whatever you want.

You assume guys are making eye contact at some point.

[Viking 0]

Quote

Well, whatever works. In the immortal words of Cartman, "Whateva'! It's my hot body. I'll do what I want."

lol by all means do what you want. just so long as we get to watch

I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver
My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin

[fasterfaller 0]

That sounds like the rules around my house .

[NoShitThereIWas 0]

When I saw your name next to the topic of this thread, I was like I have to read this one. All you dudes are too funny!

Roy Bacon: "Elvises, light your fires."

Sting: "Be yourself no matter what they say."