humpday funnies

[kingbunky 3]

it's old, but so what...
Helpful Hint #1
If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a jug of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

Helpful Hint #2
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

Helpful Hint #3
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

Helpful Hint #4
An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes a wonderful inexpensive vibrator.

Helpful Hint #5
Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply pissing in the sink.

Helpful Hint #6
High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Helpful Hint #7
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

"Hang on a sec, the young'uns are throwin' beer cans at a golf cart."
MB4252 TDS699
killing threads since 2001

[highfly 0]

Lmfao.

Enjoyed those.
Boss gave me an evil eye when I laughed though.
F**K her

www.myspace.com/durtymac

[Casie 0]

The Newest Medications for Women:

Damitol: For those times when life is a little hectic....take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.

St.Mom's Wort: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to 6 hours.

Emptynestrogen: Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

Peptobimbo: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

Dumerol: When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of loud country western music and cheap beer.

Flipitor: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Menicillin: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person....can we get naked now?"

Buy-Agra: Injectable stimulant to be taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-One-Al: When combined with Buy-Agra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy to severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

Jackasspirin: Relieves headache caused by man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, or phone number.

Anti-Talksident: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

Sexcedrin: More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.

Ragamet: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!