pleifer 0 #1 May 26, 2003 OUCH!!!! just post whoring at midnight _________________________________________ The Angel of Duh has spoke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallinWoman 1 #2 May 26, 2003 Two guys walk into a bar, which is pretty stupid cuz the first one should have seen it. ~Anne I'm a Doll!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jerry81 10 #3 May 26, 2003 Three guys walk into a bar; first falls down, second falls downs, but the third managed to duck. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrHixxx 0 #4 May 26, 2003 A three legged dog walks into a bar and says"I'm lookin' fer the man who shot my Paw..." -Hixxxdeath,as men call him, ends what they call men -but beauty is more now than dying’s when Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kris 0 #5 May 26, 2003 A priest, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and remarks, "What is this, some kind of joke?"Sky, Muff Bro, Rodriguez Bro, and Bastion of Purity and Innocence!™ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #6 May 27, 2003 A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer....And a mop!" Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender says, "Olive or Twist?" Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
katiebear21 0 #7 May 27, 2003 You guys are killin me! Thanks! It's very early and I've been here for 11 hours now and I'm just about dying! Katie Get your PMS glass necklace here Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
outofit 0 #8 May 27, 2003 a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for five shots of tequila in order to celebrate his first blowjob. the bartender replies, "what do u need with five shots? why don't u just let me buy u one to in celebration?" the guy replies no u don't understand i need the five shots in order to get this taste out of my mouth! It is better to be dead and cool than alive and uncool! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
divingduck 0 #9 May 28, 2003 ew ew ew If I loved you anymore I would have a stroke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
outofit 0 #10 May 28, 2003 sorry! It is better to be dead and cool than alive and uncool! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Islandcool 0 #11 May 28, 2003 A Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. The bartender says no. So the duck comes back the next three days and asks the same thing. Now this was getting on the bartender's nerves. So the next time the duck asked if he had any grapes, the bartender screamed at him, "If you ask that again, I'm gonna nail you to the floor!" The next day the duck walks in and says, "Got any nails?" The bartender says no. So the duck says "Got any Grapes?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clownburner 0 #12 May 28, 2003 A termite walks into the bar, and asks: "Excuse me, but where is the Bar Tender?"7CP#1 | BTR#2 | Payaso en fuego Rodriguez "I want hot chicks in my boobies!"- McBeth Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Islandcool 0 #13 May 28, 2003 Man that one was a killer. Water out the nose and everything.Ed Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #14 May 28, 2003 A rope walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The brtender says, "We don't soive roped here." The rope gets furious and goes outside, throwing a long tantrum. He's a real mess now and he goes back to the bartender and says, "I want a beer now." The bartender says, "Didn't I tell you we don't soive ropes here?" The rope replies, "I'm a frayed knot." My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zenister 0 #15 May 28, 2003 ok this one is a little long but.. a man walks into a bar with a flamingo and a cat.. the man orders a beer, the flamingo orders a martini and the cat orders a white russian, but exclaims loudly "but i aint payin for it" bar tender serves up the drinks looks at the guy and says that will be $19.50 the guy reaches in his pocket and lays out exactly nineteen dollars and fifty cents. they finish their drinks and order another round..this time the guy orders 3 shots of tequila, the flamingo orders a screwdriver, the cat orders a black russian and again loudly exclaims "BUT I AINT paying for it!" the bar tender brings the drinks and tells the man that will be $26.40. the man reaches into his front pocket and again pulls out exactly twenty six dollars and fourth cents. a half hour later the man orders another beer and a whisky chaser, the flamingo wants a long island ice tea and the cat orders 3 shots of jager..and once again slurs.."but i AIIINT paaayin for it!" the bar tender serves up the drinks and tell the man that will be $32.50. the man sighs and reaches in his front pocket to pull out exactly thirty two dollars and fifty cents. as the bar tender is putting away the cash he says "buddy can i ask you a question?" "sure" the man replys. "well, you've had 3 different orders with three different prices and everytime you pay me you pull out the exact change. Whats your secret?" "ah well see its like this. One day i was walking along the beach and found a lamp. Sure enough when i rubbed it a genie popped out and told me i could have 3 wishes.." "so i asked to always have the exact amount of money i need to buy whatever i wanted whenever i wanted it." "Granted." the genie said. "and for your next wishes?" "i'd like a chick with long legs and a tight pussy____________________________________ Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jerry81 10 #16 May 28, 2003 Since we're doing long ones... A man walks into a bar with his dog. The bartender, upon seeing the dog, goes into a frenzy and starts yelling; "Hey, buddy, there's a sign on the door saying 'No dogs allowed'! Can't you fucking read or something? Get the mutt out of here!" But the man says: "Look, I don't dare leave this dog outside- he's special. He can talk and he's pretty smart, too. Look, I'll prove it to you!" (turns to the dog): "Bob, tell the nice man here what's that thing on top of the house that keeps the rain out." The dog looks up and says....."Roof!" The bartender looks at he man; "Is this your idea of a joke? 'Cause I ain't laughing! Get your stinking dog out of my bar right! f!#"ing! now!" And the man goes; "No, look sorry, that was a stupid question. Please, just give me another chance and I'll prove that he can really talk!" Bartender says "Okay, but he better say something now." So the man turns to the dog again and says; "Bob, tell us who was the greatest baseball player of all time." The dog looks up and says....."Roof!" The bartender, of course, loses it completely and throws both of them out of the bar. As the man is getting up from the sidewalk the dog looks up at him with a puzzled expression and says....."DiMaggio?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MochaSkyChick 0 #17 May 28, 2003 I have no idea why I'm up this early but anyways heres one.... A man walks into a bar carrying a battered briefcase and orders a cold one. The bartender brings him a beer and says, "Hey pal, it's none of my business, but what do have in the case?" Without saying a word, the man opens the case and out pops a little man, about a foot high. He runs across the bar, jumps down to the floor, runs across the room to a piano in the corner, jumps up and begins to play. He is pounding out wonderful piano music, and people are peeking in from the street to see who this guy is. Pretty soon the bar is full of people and the bartender is doing better business than he has in years. "Hey that guy is great," he says to the man with the case. "Where did you get him?" "I was in Egypt by the Great Pyramids," the man replies. "It was very hot so I leaned against the pyramid to rest. The stone block moved and I found a magic lamp. I rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared and said he would grant just one wish." "That's incredible," said the bartender, "do you think it is still there?" "Oh, it's still there," the man said, "but I have to warn you that when you make your wish, be sure to speak very slowly and clearly and enunciate each word." "Well, it works, right?" said the bartender. "You got your wish didn't you?" "Tell me," the man replied wearily, "do you really think I would wish for a twelve-inch pianist?" PMS #62 Zarza R[red Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Faber 0 #18 May 28, 2003 are you insane?NSFW(meaning noisy)http://www.tekzoned.com/instest/ Stay safe Stefan Faber Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pleifer 0 #19 May 29, 2003 Two guys sitting at the bar, one slams a shot of tequila then runs and jumps out of the 32 floor of the building. 5 minutes latter he comes walkin' back unto the bar. the other guy says WTF so he explains that everytime he slams a shot, and jumps out the window. He falls till about 10 feet and then slows down an land safely on his feet. so he demonstraits and same result, five minutes latter comes walkin up the stairs the other man says i gotta try this. He slams the shot of tequila and jumps out the window. ssssssplat. (he of course slams into the pavment) so the bartender looks at the man and says "you really are an ass hole when your drunk superman" . _________________________________________ The Angel of Duh has spoke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MochaSkyChick 0 #20 May 29, 2003 Quote are you insane?NSFW(meaning noisy)http://www.tekzoned.com/instest/ That's what people tell me... PMS #62 Zarza R[red Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #21 May 29, 2003 What has 3 Arms.....and 4 Legs? Give up? A Pit Bull on a Playground! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bvsdjumper 0 #22 May 29, 2003 How about a horse? A horse walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey buddy, what's with the long face?" --Art Sky-div'ing (ski'div'ing) n. A modern sport that involves parties, bragging, sexual excesses, the imbibing of large quantities of beer, and, on rare occasions, parachuting from aircraft. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #23 May 29, 2003 There once was a flasher who briefly considered retiring. But then he decided to stick it out for another year. Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #24 May 29, 2003 A nun arrives at the local bar John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. "How do you know this, Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so." "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know." The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar. "Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?" Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #25 May 29, 2003 A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge" Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
