Dichotomy of my pride, ego, confidence...rant...

[Gawain 0]

This is only a mild banter on my part. I’ve not been myself lately. It’s amazing how much certain aspects of one’s life can influence their behavior overall.

I’m a salesman. I haven’t always been in sales, but for the few here that have met me in real life, it’s a profession that suits me well. Currently, I sell a wide variety of technology/telecom gear, services, and a lot (I mean a lot of other “solutions”). This industry was all cool and sexy a couple years ago. Now, you can barely recognize it. Nortel is one-quarter the size it was, Lucent and Avaya are mere shadowy images of what they once were. WorldCom, XO, Qwest, AT&T saw their businesses either fail, shrink, change in ways that few could’ve imagined.

Anyway, the sales cycle I work with is long, expensive and complex. These transactions are high-dollar, engineered, capital transactions (we’ve heard “capital investments” and “durable goods”). This area has been a major sore spot of the economy in the business sector. These opportunities are usually hundreds of thousands of dollars and take, at best, 4 to 6 months (and longer) to identify, qualify, design, propose, negotiate and finally close. Some of my colleagues spend 12 to 24 months (and longer) on designs much larger in value and more complex in application. Because of the breadth of products I sell, I harness the specialized resources and I maintain the relationship.

The beginning of 2003 held promise. I knew that my quota for the year was going to be significantly higher than 2002 but I had been “hunting” in ’02 and aligning opportunities which were going to be acted upon for my existing and potential clients’ fiscal years to come. One of the rules of thumb we follow in my environment is having identified opportunities and generating a sales “funnel” of 3 to 4 times one’s assigned quota for a year. My quota for 2003 was 34.6% higher than my 2002 mark, or ($3.5M). However, I was not afraid. I had some very solid prospects and was working on a gem of a $2M deal to close in February. I had enough activity to protect myself.

Well, I lost the big deal in February. That wrecked my quarter. However, I was still generating a lot of activity and to be honest, I felt that I could generate solid business for the remainder of the first half. I was the busiest I’d been in over a year, which further maintained my confidence. My company had other plans.

In March, before the first quarter was even over, I was put on a “Performance Incentive Plan” (PIP). The company that has trained me, promoted me, and for which I have worked and advocated for with consistent, above the mark performance for 10 years, no longer trusted that I could get the job done and gave me a 90 day plan to reach a close to impossible YTD mark in June, measured month-by-month. Penalty for failure: termination of employment. Reward for achievement: 12 additional months of “probation”. Needless to say, even if I make this, I’m not staying. But hell, three months to turn revenue in a cycle that runs 6 months and longer is difficult, so I’m not very “upset”, but I do feel that I can no longer be trusted, nor trust what my employer says or does.

Immediately, I had a second full-time job – looking for another job. That has been an excruciatingly long, frustrating and confidence challenging process all by itself.

April, good, met the mark. May, good, exceeded the mark. June, so far, not good and will not crack this nut of revenue that it required to keep my job. For my outside job search, so far, I’ve made the final “two” in four very promising jobs, all in sales, with respectable companies, zilch. That put me back at that the starting point.

Now, I have three new promising “irons in the fire”. These will make or break me. Shaky confidence will kill a salesman. This shaky confidence has been “coached” to me by my long-time employer, informing me that they no longer trust my judgment, or ability to perform. The confidence armor has further been dented by not dazzling the limited job market. If I don’t reach my goal for June (which I accept and forecast as not happening), that will further chip away at the confidence.

This creates images of being “unemployable” – though that is the furthest thing from the truth. It would be a first for me. Since I started working at age 15, I’ve never had a problem finding, and keeping employment.

How does this relate to jumping? Well, the fear of being unemployed has choked myperceived ability to run out to the DZ and spending a ton of money every weekend jumping. This keeps me from going out as often as I do overall. It even affects how much I enjoy the vibe of the DZ.

Bottom line, I am not a failure, but fear the label if I don’t maintain continuity of employment. Perception means a lot. Self perception means everything (to me anyway).

So, while writing this, I decided that I will continue to keep a close look at the money game and if or when the sh*t hits the fan, the first thing I will do is jump my ass off. That should make me feel better. I just don’t like the current situation, the work that may not pay off. The wondering. The waiting.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[mouth 0]

Gawain,

Sorry to hear things aren't going your way. Sending you a {{{{{BIG HUG}}}}} and hopes that the market turns your way soon.

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.

[QuickDraw 0]

If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger.

You don't need that much to get the most out of life dude,
if it all goes to shit you can still enjoy life..maybe without some of the trappings of wealth,
but never the less, we all get by in our own ways.

As for pride, you have done your best and more,
besides ..your employer is the one who has made the errors of judgment
by being too greedy in a saturated market & having no "vision" or contingency plans.

The guy on the floor gets his ass kicked every day by people like this (same the world over).

But at least you know whats coming, and that is some comfort at least .... as strange as it may sound.

Your company has failed you ... not the other way round as they want you to think.

-- Hope you don't die. --

I'm fucking winning

[ladyskydiver 0]

Hey, Max!

Good luck with your "irons in the fire." Many vibes sent your way.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[bwilling 0]

Quote

I sell a wide variety of technology/telecom gear,

Having spent the past 6 years working for a contract manufacturer who's biggest customer was a large telecom equipment provider, and watching our business erode to less than half of what it was several yeasr ago, I feel for you!

The constant worries that you'll be among the next group to get laid off, or that in our case, the entire company might not survive the downturn, can cause severe emotional distress... but hang in there, and don't let the current business climate, or lack thereof, rock your self confidence!

I feel your pain brother, best of luck to you!

"If all you ever do is all you ever did, then all you'll ever get is all you ever got."

[ScratchTX 0]

Quote

This is only a mild banter on my part. I’ve not been myself lately. It’s amazing how much certain aspects of one’s life can influence their behavior overall.
[...]
How does this relate to jumping? Well, the fear of being unemployed has choked myperceived ability to run out to the DZ and spending a ton of money every weekend jumping. This keeps me from going out as often as I do overall. It even affects how much I enjoy the vibe of the DZ.

Harsh times for you; hope they get better soon.... "have not been myself lately..." I know that feeling, I call it "not in my skin." But really, it's just a tempting distraction from what's going on... uh, if I'm not in my skin, then who the hell is writing this...?

But yep, I also have been really surprised to see how certain aspects of my life can influence others. The catch-22 for me is that while skydiving always feels great, I do find that feeling less confident and more stressed out (not to mention financially strapped) makes me feel less like going to the drop zone. And in reality, I have found I DO enjoy skydiving even more when I don't have any other stresses associated with it, or even when things in general are just going strong and well. All you can do is do what you can do -- that might be jumping, or it might be not jumping.

What helps me is remembering:

Life ALWAYS moves on, on way or another.

"How can you be two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?" (a variation of "wherever you go, there you are")

"the sky will always be there."

and, also, "shut up and jump"

pick and choose as you will...

[katiebear21 0]

Max - so that's what you were talking about! Glad you didn't have to write all that in a letter cuz your hand really would have been hurting!

Keep your chin up dude. You're actually being more responsible that I would be in your situation. Some of your fellow skydivers are in similar situations and things have a tendancy to work out in the long run. I think the thing we are most afraid of is the uncertainty!

Big KatieB hug coming your way!

Katie
Get your PMS glass necklace here

[QuickDraw 0]

Quote

I think the thing we are most afraid of is the uncertainty!

Thats what makes life exciting.

-- Hope you don't die. --

I'm fucking winning

[Gravitymaster 0]

Max, I've been in sales for over 30 years. I've had the ups and downs. I know what a slump feels like especially after the feeling that everything you touch turns to Gold. You know what I mean!!

Things will get better as long as you don't let this phase destroy your confidence. Keep looking ahead. Looking back will only prevent you from seeing the opportunities that lie ahead of you. All things in life happen for a reason. 5 years from now you will no doubt look back and realize this was the best thing to happen at the time it did.

Have you considered selling another product that is in more demand? Mortagage Broker etc..?

[TheAnvil 0]

Good luck with that job hunt dude! How's that for gratitude on your company's part? Sheesh! 10 years!

Beers,

Vinny

Vinny the Anvil
Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL
JACKASS POWER!!!!!!

[wmw999 2,593]

It's a tough business, especially when a company tries to achieve long-term goals through short-term methods. Where I work, you need at least a year of substandard work to be on a PIP -- I'd have to say yours is, um, how can I put this nicely -- full of shit.

My ex-husband is in high-end computer sales; it's turning into a commodity market now, even for what should be capital equipment. Very tough. He can lose a $2 million deal over a few thousand dollars. He's the one left over when they got rid of all the rest of their guys because of unrealistic expectations, and he's quite sure he'll be gone by the end of the year.

You're not alone, it's not you. Really.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[bobsled92 0]

After 13 years with "The Co." you can see why I want to transfer. They put GPS on me & Impossible quota on you. I posed a statment to "our" Co. of: what has happened in the last 10 years that would possibly enable us to do 30% or more work. Economy tighter, cable& service wire now older(out on the poles) population more intense= worse traffic & 1 job =1job, whether it be service connect(45 min) or 3 lines & 4jacks(4-5hrs) still 1 job.
The quota is the same. Just another way to cut heads and get those numbers looking good in time for 4th quarter bonuses.
If we go on strike, ALL Mgmt gets the bonus all the way up to the "DOUBLE CEO's" =more millions each.

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