Skymonkey13 0 #1 June 13, 2003 Beer Drinking Rules You are officially cut-off if you break any of these rules. There are no exceptions!! Rule 1001 - No Spillage Spilling any amount of beer will get you cut off and thrown out! You better come up with one hell of an excuse to get out of this one...especially if it's my homebrew!! Rule 1002 - No Dual Openers Anyone accidentally opening another beer, before finishing their current beer, is cut off. Rule 1003 - No Warm Brew Bringing warm (non-refrigerated) beer just pisses people off!! Rule 1004 - No Pretenders You either can or can't handle your beer -- 'nuff said. Rule 1005 - No Freeloading You may show up once without bringing your own supply. After that, you are cut off! Rule 1006 - No Quitters My favorite rule...if you pour it, you drink it!! People who leave half full bottles or pints of beer for me to clean up the next day should be shot, hung, stabbed, and then tortured! Rule 1007 - No Ghosting Forgetting where you left your beer is only forgiven if you don't break the "5 second rule." Remember where it is in 5 seconds or less and you may continue to indulge. Rule 1008 - No Illegal Dumping You know the type - this is the person who takes so long to finish their beer that it has become warm and flat. They try to sneak over to a bush or a sink and dump it out so they can go get a fresh refill. Please refer to Rule 1006. Rule 1009 - No Hyper-Pumpers Take it easy on the keg, you only need to pump it once or twice while the tap is OPEN...get it? Rule 1010 - No Carousing Under no circumstances may you hit on your buddy's spouse, UNLESS your buddy says it's okay! Rule 1011 - No Mine Sweeping There is no excuse for losing track of your beer and grabbing the closest beer as if it were yours...get your own! Rule 1012 - No Ahh Shits An ahh shit is what most of us say when we open the freezer and discover that we left the beer in there too long! We've all done it, but three "Ahh Shits" and you're outta here! Rule 1013 - No Butting Accidentally or purposely dropping a cigarette butt into an otherwise good beer will get you thrown out and chastised until the end of time! Rule 1014 - No Bring and Switch If you bring it, you drink it. Don't bring in some cheap-ass, knock off, $4.85 a case beer, and drink the other good beer in the house first. Rule 1015 - No Slamming Good Beer No slamming of quality ales or lagers! Good beer is ment to be enjoyed. You may however slam a Bud or a Coors (first beer only ) just to get the taste of the day out of your system. Then enjoy a real beer. Rule 1016 - Giving Head Is For Chicks If you pour a beer for someone too quickly, you just became "beer-bitch" for the night. Oh, yeah, and you're cut-off. Rule 1017 - No "Tapping" The act of "tapping" your bottle of beer atop the bottle of another person's beer, thereby causing a pressure reaction and a volcanic effect, thereby ruining a good beer. This rule may be violated only if you can buy a case of said beer for less than $5.00. Rule 1018 - Vomiting Vomiting In Bounds A beer drinker who vomits in a toilet, in bushes, or other area designated by the Host as "in bounds" shall not be penalized in any way, and shall receive kudos and honoraria if he continues drinking after vomiting in bounds. Vomiting Out Of Bounds A beer drinker who vomits on carpet, upholstered furniture, or other area designated by the hose as "out of bounds" shall be subject to penalties, including but not limited to: being dragged through own vomit, being stripped naked and left in the front yard, and paying for the cost of cleaining. Nevertheless, a beer drinker who vomits out of bounds and continues drinking may receive kudos and honoraria at the Host's discretion. Rule 1019 - No Updating There is no walking around saying "I'm so wrecked, this is my 8th." If you're sober enough to remember how many you've had, then you havent had enough! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 3,117 #2 June 13, 2003 Wow. Too many rules to remember. Sorta takes all the fun out of beer drinking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SadSue 0 #3 June 15, 2003 Lmaooooooo ! Got Milk????????????? Hope you don't get Banned! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Genn 0 #4 June 15, 2003 ummmm....when my friends and I start.....and even when we have had many.....Those rules most definitely have been broken. Re: your 'low costing beer'...We call that 'decoy' beer. Ya know...buy a nice 12 pack for yourself and a case of shit for the voulchers. It works every time AND everyone is happy. I guess you would hate drinking with us. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest #5 June 15, 2003 That is some certifiably funny sh*t! "The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
