Tech support in the home

[miked10270 0]

FROM A FEMALE PERSPECTIVE

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewellery applications that
had operated flawlessly under the boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition,
Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs such as Romance 9.9,
and instead installed undesirable programs such as NHL 7.4, AFL 3.2, and
World Cup 4.1. Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and House Cleaning
2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Sincerely,
Venus


Dear Venus,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command
C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME and install Tears 6.2. Then Husband 1.0. should
automatically run the applications Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5. But
remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0. to default to such background
applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please
remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring
Loudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0, or reinstall another
Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0, likely permanently. It could also potentially cause Husband
1.0 to default to another program, Girlfriend 9.2, which runs quietly in
the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses
into the operating system.

In summary Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to enhance this system performance. I personally
recommend Hot Meal 3.0 and Lingerie 4.5, combined with such applications as
Boob Job 36.D and the all-encompassing Steamy Sex 6.9 (which have both been
credited with improved hardware performance).

Sincerely,
Tech Support


FROM A MALE PERSPECTIVE

Dear Tech Support,

Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2
which I'd used for years without any trouble. However, there are
apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was
to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters
worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications,
such as Boys Night Out 3.1, Football 2.0 and Playboy 6.1. Successive
versions of Girlfriend have proved no better.

A shareware beta-programme, Party Girl 2.1, had many bugs and left a virus
in my system forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same
time only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they
caused severe damage to all my hardware. Seeing a way out I upgraded to
Fianc=E9e 1.0, only to discover that this product eventually has to be
upgraded to Wife 1.0. I did this largely because while Wife 1.0 uses up
all the available resources, it does come bundled with Free Sex Plus and
Clean House 2000.

However, I also discovered that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to
run. For example, any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife
1.0's memory, and could not be deleted. Not only that, they then
resurfaced months later. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and
e-mail porn filter, and can, without warning, launch Hot Tongue 2.1 and
Cold Shoulder 4.2. These latter products have no help files and require
you to try and guess the problem yourself.

Additional costly problems are that the Wife 1.0 bundle that came with the
original system needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser Pro
for new attachments, and Hairstyle Express needs to be reinstalled every
other week. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called
Mother-in-Law, which can't be turned off. Any Suggestions?

Sincerely,
Mars


Dear Mars,

Take your whole Wife 1.0 package, and trade it in for a new and improved
version... you can choose from either Wife 2.0 or Mistress 1.0.

Sincerely,
Tech Support



Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.