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Texan Cowboys

By pop, in The Bonfire

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pop    0

pop
You've got to know about Copenhagen to appreciate this one. For you non-Texans,
the container for this 'snuff' is very large, flat, and round. The cowboys carry it in their jeans' back pocket.

Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a New Yorker) confided to her sorority
sisters she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State. She wanted
to:
-Taste some real Texas Barbecue.
-Take in a bona fide rodeo.
-Make love to a real cowboy.

Upon her return, her sorority sisters were curious as to how she fared. "Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite, it's oh so good. The taste is unbelievable! An, I went to a real rodeo, talk about athletes! Those guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the horses, grab the bulls by the horns and throw then to the ground! It is just incredible!"

They then asked, "Well, tell us, did you make love with a real cowboy?"

"Are you kidding? Once I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the
back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"
7 ounce wonders, music and dogs that are not into beer

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pop    0

pop
Condom Emergency

President Putin called Bush with an emergency:

"Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried.

"My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"

"Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.

"I do need your help," said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Bush.

"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin.

"Yes?"

"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin.

"No problem," replied the President and, with that, Bush hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favor, you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia."

"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.

"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN TEXAS, SIZE SMALL' on each one."
7 ounce wonders, music and dogs that are not into beer

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wmw999    2,593

wmw999
Heard that one before, but it's funny every time.

******************************************
There was a travelling salesman who went to his new route in west Texas, and he was pretty taken aback by all the cattle, oil wells, cowboys and everything else that makes Texas what it is. He went to the biggest hotel in town, and asked if they had a room, and they did.

So later on, he was downstairs, and asked what there was to do. The concierge told him
"Well, you could go to the hotel bar -- it's the longest bar in the world, at 386 feet long, and the barman can slide a mug of frosty Shiner the whole length without spilling a drop!"

He went into the bar, and sure enough, it was huge. So back to the concierge for more.

"OK, we have a 250-foot tall statue of a bull in the park; we play football games under it at night. We also have the tallest drive-in in the world -- it's 100 feet high and 700 feet across."

The salesman thought a bit, and decided to get a little more information.

"We also have the biggest whorehouse in the world. There are 150 beautiful women there, and they are all former Playboy models. It has the biggest massage table in the world -- it's 40 feet long and 12 feet wide."

So now his mind is made up. Dinner, walk to see the statue, whorehouse, and end up at the hotel bar. He just has one more question: where's the bathroom.

"Right down the hall, third door on the right"

So off he goes, when the concierge remembers that no, the pool is the third door, and the bathroom is the 4th door. So he runs after the salesman, opens the third door, and sees him in the pool, yelling piteously:

"DON'T FLUSH!!!"

Wendy W.
There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

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happythoughts    0

happythoughts
Quote

Quote

Quote

You know what they say--everything's bigger in TX!!!;)



Is it true that they have the largest midgets? ;)



Yeah, and I'm one of 'em. :D

Gosh darnit, y'all are makin' me homesick for Texas. :(



I have a friend from Texas who has lived here for about 3 years. She just went home to Dallas for a 2 week vacation to see the folks and friends.

Midgets are small by definition, so a large midget is not... My friend is 5'1" and this is her joke.

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Swoopyswoop    0

Swoopyswoop
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Ain't that the truth... swoopyswoop tore me up good!



Ummmmmmmmmmmm, that was supposed to be our little secret bro. Thanks a lot, now the cats out of the bag, amongst other things that is wink wink:P

"when I die, I want to go like my grandfather while im sleeping, not like the passengers riding in the car with me
Swoopster
A.S.S. #6 Future T.S.S holder

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