Chicken Soup For The Beer Lover's Soul

[hobbes4star 0]

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the
brewery and all of
their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of
work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself,
"It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true
than be selfish and worry about my liver." Jack Handy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
Frank Sinatra
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"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend
time with his fools." Ernest Hemingway
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"When I read about the evils of ! drinking, I gave up reading."
HennyYoungman
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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
Stephen Wright
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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we
fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" Brian O'Rourke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
Benjamin Franklin
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel
does not go nearly as well with pizza." Dave Barry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SIN! CE 3000 B.C.!!!
Unknown"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of "Cheers":
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining theBuffalo Theory
to
his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move
as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is
the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This
natural selection
is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health
of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members.
"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast asthe slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills
brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain
cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,
making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why
you always feel smarter after a few beers."

if fun were easy it wouldn't be worth having, right?

[Jimbo 0]

Some of my personal favorites.

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
--His reply

He was a wise man who invented beer.
--Plato

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
--David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking class.
--Oscar Wilde

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.
--George Jean Nathan

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin

-
Jim

"Like" - The modern day comma
Good bye, my friends. You are missed.

[tbrown 26]

In heaven there is no beer,
that's why we drink it here

Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity !