Dear Diary,

[Cornholio 0]

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. And,
I never figured out why men think with their head and women think with
their heart. And I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene
gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I
just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??????"

So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She
explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.

I'm thinking "What was her first clue?". I finally realize that nothing was
going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I
walked around with her while she tried on three different very expensive
outfits. She could not decide which one to take so I told her to take all
three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth
$200.00 a pair to which I say OK. And then we go to the jewelry dept. where
she gets a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you........ she was so excited. She must have thought that I
was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she
was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not
even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it
was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should
have seen her face when she said "I'm ready to go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey I don't feel
like buying all this! stuff now." You should have seen her face ....... it
went completely blank. I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD
this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going
to kill me I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a
Man."

I figure that I won't be having sex again until sometime after the spring
of 2008.

Butthead: Whoa! Burritos for breakfast!
Beavis: Yeah! Yeah! Cool!
bellyflier on the dz.com hybrid record jump

[EricaH 0]

THAT IS BRILLIANT!!

There is no can't. Only lack of knowledge or fear. Only you can fix your fear.

PMS #227 (just like the TV show)

[Genn 0]

OMG...you post some funny shit!

[BlueEyedMonster 0]

You are my Idol!

[Sebazz1 2]

Quote

OMG...you post some funny shit!

Well he is after all The Great Peepee Caca from Guatamala Zee great Cornholio!...

Funny

[freeflyz 0]

Matt,If that was true you would be dead!!!!

But that was funnier than hell!

[Jib 0]

ROTFLMAO!!

--------------------------------------------------
the depth of his depravity sickens me.
-- Jerry Falwell, People v. Larry Flynt

[Casie 0]

Did you really say that? OMG! Oh, by the way, I don't play tennis either but I've always wanted a tennis bracelet...........lol

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

Did you really say that?

I'm doubting that he did. It would be difficult to post with a broken neck.

[Skyrose7 0]

I think that is hilarious. Puts it in a language she can understand! hahaha

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The mind is like a parachute--it works better when it is open. JUMP.
MaryRose

[Cornholio 0]

Quote

Did you really say that? OMG! Oh, by the way, I don't play tennis either but I've always wanted a tennis bracelet...........lol

LOL Nah, wasn't me, but I read it and busted out laughing so I'd thought I'd share.

Butthead: Whoa! Burritos for breakfast!
Beavis: Yeah! Yeah! Cool!
bellyflier on the dz.com hybrid record jump