How about an old people joke.....

[diablopilot 2]

A fifty-something woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and
squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how
ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care. I just
came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an
18 year old."
The husband said, "What did he say about your 55-year-old ass?"
"Your name never came up," she replied.

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You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[freeflir29 0]

What does a 60 Yr old woman have between her breasts that a 20 year old doesn't. Her navel.

[CrazyIvan 0]

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING 'MARVELOUSLY MATURE' WHEN.............

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..
10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[gemini 0]

Are these personal insults? I'm offended that you would ridicule us old folks! Come on greenies lock this thread before it gets out of control.

Blue skies,

Jim

[SpeedRacer 1]

I hear they're giving Viagra to old men in the nursing homes.



Keeps 'em from rolling out of bed.

Speed Racer
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[CrazyIvan 0]

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving?"

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[CrazyIvan 0]

A retired gentleman went into the social security office to apply for Social Security benefits. After waiting in line a long time, he finally arrived at the counter.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.

He told the woman that he was very sorry, but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.

Will I have to go home and come back now? he asks.

The woman says, Unbutton your shirt.

So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair.

She says, That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me, and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office.

His wife says, You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.