2fat2fly 0 #1 August 21, 2003 Most I have heard somewhere, a few I haven't. 1) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. You never know what's going to burn your ass. 2) I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. 3) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 4) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again. 5) I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem. 6) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling? 7) My reality check bounced. 8) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. 9) I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier ! 10) You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. 11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo. 12) Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. 13) Be careful . . .a pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt. 14) Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted. 15) The more crap you put up with, the more crap you're going to get. 16) You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. 17) So this isn't Home Sweet Home . . . Adjust! 18) Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! 19) I came, I saw, I decided to order take out. 20) Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. 21) I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump. 22) What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it! 23) How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap!I am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casie 0 #2 August 21, 2003 Points to ponder 1. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! 2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping", now I just "chunky dunk". 3. The early bird still has to eat worms. 4. The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them. 5. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. 6. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? 7. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 8. My spouse says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what was said. 9. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. 10. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? 11. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! 12. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever~Porn Kitty WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kmcguffee 0 #3 August 21, 2003 1. The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese. 2. Save the whales...........collect the whole set. 3. I drive too fast to worry about cancer. "Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do." Ben Franklin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zenister 0 #4 August 21, 2003 Quote 2) I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. -Douglas Adams ____________________________________ Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
greenemachine 0 #5 August 21, 2003 "ctrl-alt-delete" oops did i just type that out loud... __________________________________________________If a Blonde throws a pin at you RUN, shes got a hand grenade in her mouth! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtval 0 #6 August 21, 2003 NICE there a few good one in this thread!My photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveNFlorida 0 #7 August 21, 2003 Some Steven Wright one-liners that I love... 1.Four years ago... No, it was yesterday. Today I... No, that wasn't me. Sometimes I... No, I don't. 2. It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused. 3. I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I said, "Give me two boys and a girl." 4. I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically. 5. I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies." So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars"... 6. For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Then I filled my humidifier with wax, and now my room is all shiny. 7. Last week I bought a new phone. I took it out of the box, hooked it up to the wall... Pressed redial. The phone had a nervous breakdown. 8. I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MochaSkyChick 0 #8 August 22, 2003 Quote11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo. My mom says I'm not wierd, I'm gifted! PMS #62 Zarza R[red Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
2fat2fly 0 #9 August 22, 2003 QuoteQuote11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo. My mom says I'm not wierd, I'm gifted! Are you sure she didn't say special ?I am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MochaSkyChick 0 #10 August 22, 2003 QuoteQuoteQuote11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo. My mom says I'm not wierd, I'm gifted! Are you sure she didn't say special ? I am special! I can almost count to 7. PMS #62 Zarza R[red Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juanesky 0 #11 August 22, 2003 QuoteQuoteQuoteQuote11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo. My mom says I'm not wierd, I'm gifted! Are you sure she didn't say special ? I am special! I can almost count to 7. Wow no wonder you were sent back so soon...."According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
