Dam Funny

[rehmwa 2]

This guy is a hero...


>
>Subject: Dam Letter
>
>This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
>Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This
>guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get
>to the response letter.
>
>SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
>
>Dear Mr. DeVries:
>
>It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
>That there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
>parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner
>and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
>
>   Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
>stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of
>this type of activity.  A review of the Department's files shows that no
>permits have been issued.  Therefore, the Department has determined that
>this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of
>the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
>Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to
>324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
>The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
>failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at

>downstream locations.  We find that dams of this nature are inherently
>hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you
>to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the
>stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming
>the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be
>completed no later than January 31, 2003.
>
>Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
>that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure
>to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the
>site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement
>action.
>
>We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
>
>Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
>
>Sincerely,
>
>David L. Price, District Representative and Water Management Division
>
>
>** Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: **
>

>Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
>
>Dear Mr. Price,
>
>Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond
>to.
>
>I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson,
>Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
>constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet
>stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor
>supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that
>you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris."
>
>I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their
>dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely
>state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
>resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam
>determination and/or their dam
>work ethic.
>

>As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
>first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
>activity.
>
>My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
>against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers
>throughout this State to conform to said dam request?  If you are not
>discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of
>Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other
>applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.  Perhaps we will
>see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and
>Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act
>451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of
>the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
>I have several concerns.  My first concern is; aren't the beavers
>entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are

>financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation --
>so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The
>Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed
>during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a
>natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In
>other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than
>harassing them and calling their dam names.
>
>If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please
>contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they
>obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being
>unable to read English.
>
>In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
>their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
>and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live
>and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and

>Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the
>natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
>
>So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
>Referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
>1/31/2003?
>
>The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be
>no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
>
>In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
>environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
>Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
>should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.
>If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The
>bears are not careful where they dump!)
>
>Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
>contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to
>your dam office.
>
>THANK YOU.

>RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

[Faber 0]

dam fun

Stay safe
Stefan Faber

[n2skdvn 0]

Dam true too!!!
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.htm

if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN
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