miked10270 0 #1 September 9, 2003 You know, it's been a while since I've had a really good xenophibic, little Englander rant... SO without further ado... NORMANDY, FRANCE- Just as sure as summer slips into autumn, the situation in Iraq continues its steady slide into chaos. American officials are currently struggling with an occupation operation that grows more dangerous by the day as the death toll and price tag continue to escalate. So, Pentagon officials were naturally thrilled and relieved to hear that the French have agreed to intervene on our behalf. On Monday French President Jacques Chirac agreed to issue military and financial support for the mired American mission in Iraq through a United Nations mandate, though, as he later told reporters, he is not happy about it. "We are always saving your fat American asses," said Chirac. "Everybody knows that the Germans would have attacked your Eastern seaboard were it not for our prostitutes and heavy pastries to slow them down." As part of the offer, Chirac generously pledged 9 billion Euro to the effort, to which American President George W. Bush replied "how much is that in real money?" Aides reminded him that the conversion did not matter since Europe's money is metric. Even as America feels the need to call upon the might of the French army, many Americans still don't think of France as a super-power. Chirac proudly reminded his American counterparts that his nation has tied some of the greatest military powers like Italy and Holland. "And we really kicked some ass back in the 19th century, nes pas? And were it not for La Belle France being where it is you would never have been able to land in Normandy." Chirac bitterly issued a list of incidents when the amiable cheese-loving nation came to the rescue of the United States: The Revolutionary War, existentialism, and, of course, the Revolutionary War. Their patience with America, he said, is running out. "Frankly, we are sick of forever bailing you guys out," said Chirac. "Don't let it happen again." Still, the issue of how the new soldiers will fit into the existing occupation force is still unknown. Interaction between the groups could be dicey since the US armed forces still carry a "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding French tendencies. According to the classified CentCom plan, French troops will stand around in public areas in Baghdad and Tikrit, drinking coffee and furiously smoking unfiltered cigarettes. Should Chancellor Schroeder send similar Bundeswehr (German Army) support then the French Army's function will revert to normal by surrendering to the Germans and thereafter forming a non-existent resistance movement thus diluting the terrorist threat. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,589 #2 September 9, 2003 OMG, that's way too funny. I think I'm going to have to take a longer lunch to read it more times Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rehmwa 2 #3 September 9, 2003 Is that from Snappleface? funny stuff ... Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rehmwa 2 #4 September 9, 2003 Is that from Scrappleface.com? good stuff ... Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #5 September 9, 2003 Hmm...scanning post for anything specifically anti-Texas.... OK, you're clear. Good to see you, Mike.Skydiving is for cool people only Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFKING 4 #6 September 9, 2003 Q: What do you call 10,000 Frenchman walking down the road with their arms upraised, followed by 3 Germans ? A: The French army. Don Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #7 September 9, 2003 QuoteHmm...scanning post for anything specifically anti-Texas.... OK, you're clear. Good to see you, Mike. Sorry Jessica, I have resolved to refrain from going for the EASY targets, but give me a couple of days... I'm sure that y'all will do something newsworthy... Like finally achieving smog levels that are lethal to Cockroaches, or electing "Baghdad Bob" as State Governor (actually that would be way too... sensible for Texans... Imagine having a politician that was so transparently honest about his lying). Mike. PS. A small question on Texas grammar... What is the correct term for you will (collectively)? "Y'aa Will" sounds far too formal, so is it "Y'All'll"? "Y'All'n"? An indistinct & incomprehensible mumble? a Growl? What? Also what is the punctuation, since I'm frankly uncomfortable with more than 12 apostrophes per sentence? (Sorry Texans, an "Apostrophe is the ' thingy on your keyboard). Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #8 September 9, 2003 QuoteWhat is the correct term for you will (collectively)? It's y'all'll, as in, "Y'all'll have to excuse Mike; he's European."Skydiving is for cool people only Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyminxx 0 #9 September 9, 2003 Hey Mike: Ive been living here for over three years (hailing from sometimes sunny Glos.) and its finally happened to me: I cant help myself, I know I shouldnt ..but I have found myself saying y'all.. I guess, (oops there I go again..) it happens to us all eventually Now what about our results at Gap, eh? Much as I love Jaimee and the Synchronicity gal, VMAX are kicking arse..woohooo You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self.-Richard Bach Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clownburner 0 #10 September 9, 2003 I had a friend who worked in Europe, and he hated driving into France from Germany. Because he was driving a BMW, he always got stopped at the border for three hours while they tried to surrender the country to him.7CP#1 | BTR#2 | Payaso en fuego Rodriguez "I want hot chicks in my boobies!"- McBeth Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blahr 0 #11 September 9, 2003 I love it. The amiable cheese loving nation. I'm imagining them "furiously" smoking unfiltered cigarettes Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #12 September 9, 2003 QuoteIt's y'all'll, as in, "Y'all'll have to excuse Mike; he's European." Right. Thanks. You see I thought it would be something like: "Y'All'll gonna' gotta' jus' excuse Mike 'cos 'e's Europ', Eropan..., err Furrin' or sumpfin', like, y'aa 'no', no'f'om Texas. Wanna' buy a Mel'n?" Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #13 September 9, 2003 You're so cute, in an unsufferably superior way. Skydiving is for cool people only Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #14 September 9, 2003 QuoteYou're so cute, in an unsufferably superior way. Ahh... Jessica, that's so sweet. I remember how thankful I was at the time for the fact that the Earth was round so it had a horizon. If it'd been flat you would have been able to see me & being Texan I'm sure you have plenty of guns capable of shooting 5,000 miles. Mike. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #15 September 9, 2003 I don't remember that. Revisionist history alert! Revisionist history alert!Skydiving is for cool people only Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #16 September 9, 2003 Lack of memory, along with reduced IQ is common in Texans (or indeed any grossly inbred community). So just to remind Jessica..... (I'll leave it to Y'All to work out whose quotes these are: how are things in the "Land of the Enron and the home of the Dubya"? I guess that at this time of year it would be sunny if it weren't for all the gunpowder smoke from your unfeasably large guns. one small point Jessica... "Apocalypse"?! As in "Apocalypse Now", the film with the famous helicopter scene of Texans going squirrel hunting in the bayou. Blood pressure...rising...hands balling into fists.... Yep, this is definitely miked10270! You can't fake that kind of mockery. I thought it might be safer to wait until more texans have forgotten about me... Shouldn't take long.... Nice thought. But we don't forget. Interesting concept... Does this mean that Texans actually know things and so don't forget them? Or do you subscribe to the commonly held opinion about Texans? "We prefer those pretty Texas Girls with that sweet Texas Twang" Yeah... Right... and let's not forget their liquid brown eyes and gently swishing tail? I assume that the "Sweet Texas Twang" is the sound made by the barbed wire breaking as they escape from their field! No, fair's fair, I have seen some spectacular sights in Texas... The early morning sun glinting through the pink & green clouds over the chemical works... & let's not forget that old Texas weather saying - "Red Sky at night... The refinery's alight". Finally, a quote from General Sherman (by the way, he didn't invent shirts) - "If I owned Texas and Hell, I'd rent out Texas and live in Hell". This post seems to have too many long words for the average texan but if someone from Alabama could perhaps translate for them... My head hurts...I don't know whether to laugh my ass off or be indignant at this.... I couldn't find the posts that threatened actual physical violence... Perhaps they have been deleted by our Great Leader... But after all, it's the thought that counts.... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
