A Man's Five Most Feared Questions

[freefallfreak 0]

A man's five most feared questions:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What make these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. "tells the truth").

Therefore as a Public Service, each question is analyzed below along
with possible responses.

Question #1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I have been a bit pensive darling. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring and intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer which most likely is one of the following:
A. Nothing
B. Football
C. Jennifer Lopez
D. How fat you are
E. How would I spend the insurance money if you died

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you."

Question #2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "Yes" or if you feel a more detailed answer is necessary, "Yes, Dear." Inappropriate responses include:
A. Oh yeah, shitloads.
B. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
C. That depends on what you mean by love.
D. Does it matter?
E. Who, me?

Question #3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:
A. Compared to what?
B. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
C. A little extra weight looks good on you.
D. I've seen fatter.
E. Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #4: Do you think she is prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!!" Incorrect responses include:
A. Yes, but you have a better personality.
B. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
C. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
D. Define "pretty."
E. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (the real answer of course is "Buy a Ferrari and a boat.") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along these lines:
Woman: Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!
Woman: Why not? Don't you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Man: Okay, I'd get married again.
Woman: You would? (with a hurt look on her face)
Man: (makes audible groan)
Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you put away my pictures and replace them with pictures of her?
Man: That would seem the proper thing to do.
Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can't. She's left-handed.
Woman: ...silence...
Man: Shit.

"Upon seeing the shadow of a pigeon, one must resist the urge to look up."

[RevJim 0]

Quote

Question #3: Do I look fat?
B. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.

Sadly, I have said that. Luckily, I'm still alive to tell about it.

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[CrazyIvan 0]

1. What are you thinking about?
The meaning of these pointless questions

2. Do you love me?
Of course I do, only love can ease the pain of living with you

3. Do I look fat?
From what angle?

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
Mmm?...sorry, what did you say?, I was looking at that chick

5. What would you do if I died?
Throw a BACHELOR party in my honor.

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[RevJim 0]

1. What are you thinking about?
Repeat a few times.
2. Do you love me?
Repeat a few times.
3. Do I look fat?
Repeat a few times.
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
Repeat a few times.
5. What would you do if I died?
Repeat a few times.
6. "Are you horny? I am."
"huh?"

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

5. What would you do if I died?

I'm going to be playing golf with 3 witnesses...umm... friends on next Thursday. I swear.

[Blahr 0]

Q: Do I look fat?

A: Oh my god! A talking couch!

[Lizard 0]

Same with the shoe question, "Which shoes look better with this outfit?" If you say the ones she is holding, your WRONG because she didnt put those on and your going against her judgment. If you say the ones on her feet, your WRONG because your just saying that to hurry her up. Women are a no win situation, but I still love them.