damned silly jokes

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1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll
serve you, but don t start anything."

3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we
don't serve food in here."

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5.A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his
arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The
ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great.

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of
home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."

9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy
says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I
don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" Exclaimed
Daisy.

10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap
shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost
my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies,
"Yes, I'm positive..."

13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My
dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well,"
says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm
going to have to put him down." "What?, Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"

14. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And
there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's
either my mum or my dad , or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my
younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

15. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but
I couldn't find any.

16. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50.
that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, 'no, the
steaks are too high.'

17. A man came to the hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, "Doctor doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied,
"I know you can't, I've cut off your arms".

18. I went to a seafood disco rave last week.... and pulled
a mussel.

19. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when
they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.


Roy

They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it.