FreeFlyHol 0 #1 January 28, 2003 If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it? There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in. . . what happens to the other penny? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . . they're cramming for their final exam. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? x's and o's, Hol :)When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #2 January 28, 2003 AWESOME.Skydiving is for cool people only Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
akaGQ 0 #3 January 28, 2003 Hol, Did you write all that down from memory? Ive heard some of those before lol but some of them are hilarious. Im gonna e-mail that to my boss I think hell get a kick out of it. - GQ ... it was the love of the air and sky and flying, the lure of adventure, the appreciation of beauty ... -Charles Lindberg Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wingnut 0 #4 January 28, 2003 crazy chick.............. ______________________________________ "i have no reader's digest version" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blewaway5 0 #5 January 28, 2003 I used to be baptist, but then they kicked me out for saying hi and waving entirely too much. I guess I never learned the code. Darn. Truman Sparks for President Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
akaGQ 0 #6 January 28, 2003 Why is it we drive on parkways and park in driveways?- GQ ... it was the love of the air and sky and flying, the lure of adventure, the appreciation of beauty ... -Charles Lindberg Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hookitt 1 #7 January 28, 2003 OwMy grammar sometimes resembles that of magnetic refrigerator poetry... Ghetto Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kevin922 0 #8 January 28, 2003 Therapist broken up is actually the rapist Mole-ster (as in a cool person during avagadro's mole day) looks like molester :) (our high school celebrated mole day.. by painting cars with 6.022 x 10 ^22 and "mole day" and everything else.. one guy put "molester" on his car.. hehe) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FreeFlyHol 0 #9 January 28, 2003 ***Did you write all that down from memory? __________________________________________________ This is the first kool email that my step-mom has ever sent me...so I have to give her props for this. She usually sends me random bullshit like "50 facts about honeydew melons" or a link the the Del Monte website!? x's and o's, Hol :)When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
akaGQ 0 #10 January 28, 2003 Quote She usually sends me random bullshit like "50 facts about honeydew melons" or a link the the Del Monte website!? What!?! So what are the facts of a honeydew melon other than the fact that it tastes good, and whats the deal with the del monte website...lol I never even thought theyd have one...hmmm Ill go check it out...hehehe j/k- GQ ... it was the love of the air and sky and flying, the lure of adventure, the appreciation of beauty ... -Charles Lindberg Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gary350 0 #11 January 28, 2003 QuoteI used to be baptist, but then they kicked me out for saying hi and waving entirely too much. I guess I never learned the code. Darn. Q - Why don't Baptists screw standing up? A - 'Cause someone might come in and think they were dancing. . . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #12 January 28, 2003 If a parsley farmer cheats on his taxes, can the IRS garnish his wages? Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TomAiello 26 #13 January 28, 2003 Why do we park on driveways, and drive on parkways?-- Tom Aiello Tom@SnakeRiverBASE.com SnakeRiverBASE.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
arlo 0 #14 January 28, 2003 If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it? the anal retentive one does. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters. Methodists and Lutherans say hello, though. :) If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? yes. i speak from experience. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? see chuckie b. (skymonkeyone) When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in. . . what happens to the other penny? taxes Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? see merrill lynch I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. i guess i've put alot of miles on my car. good god it's late. :) thanks for the laughs hol! arlo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites