Dying

[misskriss 0]

My grandfather died a few weeks ago. My grandmother who has been in poor health is now in an out of consciousness in intensive care. Her organs are shutting down-she's close to death. She's 89 and lived a long life but somehow you never think it's going to happen. I've heard of couples dying within weeks of each other. Why does this happen.. is it psychological? coincidence??

[Canuck278 0]

hmmm don't know but i have had it happen in my family...My grandfather and granmother died within an hour of each other....whats weird was that they had been divorced and remarried for over 20 years...and hadn't spoken to each other in years....

Steve
Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap.

[Casch 0]

I think that if I had been married to someone for that long of a time, and had such an outstanding emotional connection with them, I would rather just pass on with them than live on without...

[yardhippie 0]

my guess is psychological/mental. Reason being, increased stress due to the loss of a loved one increases chances for illness, plus is shortens the live span. Im thinking thats a lot of stress.

sorry for your loss, I hope she gets better.

Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD
"What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me
"Anything you want." ~ female skydiver
Mohoso Rodriguez #865

[trigger 0]

is it psychological? coincidence?? ***

Could be.
When my Grandfather passed on all my Grandmother wanted to do was join him.Got her wish approx 2 years later,though.

.CHOP WOOD COLLECT WATER.

[Stacy 0]

I work with end of life patients day in and day out. It often happens that a person "hangs on" for one particular reason. With elderly couples frequently that reason is each other. Unfortunately the body winds down in it's own time and oen person has to inevitably go first.

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[misskriss 0]

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I think that if I had been married to someone for that long of a time, and had such an outstanding emotional connection with them, I would rather just pass on with them than live on without...

Yeah......me too I'm glad they'll be together again soon... this time eternally..

[vdschoor 0]

The same thing happened to one of our families good friends. Happily married for 55 years or so, and one day the wife died, completely unexpected though, no health problems really.

A strange thing about this is that the husband had wished his whole life that he would be the first to go, as he said "I don't know what to do without her, I'll be lost" and it came true.
Exactly one year after his wife died, he "gave up" and died as well, after a year of falling in the street over nothing, walking around in his pyjamas outside, completely clueless, in the middle of the night and in the end losing his mind, he didn't remember a single thing, only his "little girl" who had died.

The man did love his wife to death, he could not go on without her. I've heard about it a lot when couples have been together for that long. The funny thing though, is that women usually deal with it a lot better than men.

My grandma is like that, after my grandpa died she became this really cool grandma, and she is doing extremely well for herself, and I've seen that with more couples, if the woman survives she will be fine usually. Not that she wasn't cool before, but it always seemed the woman behind the man.. after he was gone this proved to be the other way around though.

It remains tough though losing someone close, we're thinking of you misskriss!

Iwan

[ypelchat 0]

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My grandfather died a few weeks ago. My grandmother who has been in poor health is now in an out of consciencesness in intensive care. Her organs are shutting down-she's close to death. She's 89 and lived a long life but somehow you never think it's going to happen. I've heard of couples dying within weeks of each other. Why does this happen.. is it psychological? coincidence??

My grandmother on my mom's side died in 1990, at the age of 90. She had never been to an hospital in her whole life, and had never been ill before. When we visited her one day, she complained she had trouble digesting food. My grandmother was of the optimistic kind of a person, so she told us that this "would pass"... It got worse.... and then she had to be hospitalized. They discovered a stomach/intestinal cancer, which basically blocked all passage of food through her stomach/intestines. She died less than a week after she's been hospitalized. My grandfather always had a poor health during his life, and had to undergo numerous surgeries. He had been cared for by my grandmother for a long time. He survived my grandmother, but died, less than 2 weeks after her.

Yves.

[oldnewbie 0]

I have a good friend, whose grandfather died at age 97, and in good health until the end. His wife became very depressed and died two days later. She was in great health and spirits until her husband died. Everybody feels that it is becuase they had been married since they were 17 years old, so were married for 80 years. Being married for that long i guess you would really miss the person.

Now these peoples son figured it was something else. this is a true story also!!!lol He figures that she died quickly after his death because she didn't want him enjoying not having to listen to her telling him what to do. That could be true, but i tend to think the being depressed had more to do with it!!

Sorry to hear about your grandparents!!!

[freakyflygirl 0]

MissKriss, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, even when you know it is coming it's still very hard!!

I've wondered the same thing before. I can't explain it but I can understand it, if that makes sense .

My grandparents are 88 and 89 and I'm fairly certain the same will happen with them. They've been married for 65 years for God's sake I'm not sure they would even know how to function without each other.
Last Xmas eve I was with my gramps in the ER, his appendix had ruptured!! He was very close to dying and I could see my grandmother almost slipping away with him. It was very heartbreaking. But he made it through and physically he's better than before.

[pds 0]

hiya cutiepie..

my great grandparents lived to 96, spent every day and every night of thier lives in love. mamaw was diagnosed with mouth cancer at 96 after what was probably 80 years of having a tobacco leaf stuck to the roof of her mouth. (papaw, kentucky bacco farmer and prohibition moonshiner). they told her she had cancer and she died. papaw layed down on the couch and never really got up. took him about a year to actually assume room temp but he decided game over the day mamaw died.

if i could have just stopped breathing without making a mess, i probably would have last year. didn't happen.

anyway - yeah, it happens. it seems to be both emotional and physiological. you give up, your body gives up.

namaste, motherfucker.

[misskriss 0]

Now it's the debate whether I go home now or wait for the funeral I don't have an endless supply of cash and with the kids and school, etc. I have to decide. My family said to wait and she wouldn't even know I was there and to just come for the funeral. But she's not dead yet.... I also am afraid to see her hooked up to all those machines. Should I be there when she dies....which could happen before I get there, or wait...

[pds 0]

you should go. this is it. game over. say goodbye.

namaste, motherfucker.

[dbattman 0]

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is it psychological? coincidence?? ***

Could be.
When my Grandfather passed on all my Grandmother wanted to do was join him.Got her wish approx 2 years later,though.

Same with mine. She lived another four years but had just about given up.

[dbattman 0]

If you haven't seen her recently, get up there. You'll regret it otherwise.

[Perky77 0]

I disagree, the last image I have of my grandfather was when he was healthy and I like having that one, I never went to his death bed. I never had to see that, I said my goodbyes on the phone, he said, he didn't like people seeing him like that, and he knew that was what people would remember him as. It gave me comfort to know he knew I still and allways will see him up and before his decline.
Talk to her misskriss, let her know you love her and will miss her, how you do this is your choice. Somepeople can't let go without seeing. I didnt have to, you have to make your choice.

Big hugs to you and your fam, cause it aint easy no matter how far ahead you can see it coming.

"Sacrifice is a part of life. It is supposed to be. It's not something you regret . It's something to aspire to." Mitch Albom

[misskriss 0]

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If you haven't seen her recently, get up there. You'll regret it otherwise

I saw her about two months ago and somehow felt it could be the last time. I hugged her tight and told her I loved her. If I could call her just to talk to her as well I would but she isn't aware. She can't even talk now. I feel like I need to see her though.... That somehow she'd know I was there. I know that death is the only thing guaranteed in life......it's just still hard to accept.. Thank you all for your responses.

[freakyflygirl 0]

I say go!!!!! I strongly feel that even when they say they wouldn't know if your there, they do. And if you don't go, you'll probably regret not going when she does go.
Your in my thoughts and prayers!!!!

[Stacy 0]

kriss-

the last sense to leave the body is hearing. even thogh someone seems lethargic and non responsive, they still have the ability to hear.

I've seen people hold the phone up to a loved one's ear and a relative far away says last words, etc etc.

Trust me, she will be able to hear you.
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[whocares 0]

Sorry for your loss.

I have a friend whos dad died of a heart attack, at the hospital ,when they went home his mom said she was going to lay down for a nap, she never woke up. died in her sleep...

[misskriss 0]

Thanks, Stacy.. that makes me feel better

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[Perky77 0]

[reply I feel like I need to see her though....

[airdweller 0]

MissKriss:

I very sorry about hearing of your lose.

It sounds like you might have answered your question when you said the following.

(I feel like I need to see her though.... )

I hope you feel better

peace

------------------------------------------------------
"From the mightiest pharaoh to the lowliest peasant,
who doesn't enjoy a good sit?" C. Montgomery Burns

[freakyflygirl 0]

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kriss-

the last sense to leave the body is hearing. even thogh someone seems lethargic and non responsive, they still have the ability to hear.

I've seen people hold the phone up to a loved one's ear and a relative far away says last words, etc etc.

Trust me, she will be able to hear you.
__

My father in law died a couple months ago, again everyone said that he had no idea who was there. When we walked in and talked to him he turned his head and blinked, that was it but it was enough to convince me that they DO know that you are there.