monday funnies

[Jayruss 0]

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car's hood.
Male........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another
Male........Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner
Male........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male.........Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's
girlfriend.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male........Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex.


6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male........A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up having sex.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male.........A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5
minutes.

__________________________________________________
"Beware how you take away hope from another human being."
-Oliver Wendell Holmes

[Jayruss 0]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
The Bible:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing"
Pat Buchanan:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Louis Farrakhan:
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the 'black man' in order to trample him and keep him down.
L.A. Police Department:
Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
Bill Clinton:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.
Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed,
I've not been told!
Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.
Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. [Amen, Gramps!]
Aristotle:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx:
It was an historical inevitability.
Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Ronald Reagan:
What chicken?
Captain James T. Kirk:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Fox Mulder:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
Machiavelli:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
Bill Gates:
I have just released Chicken Coop 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system.
Einstein:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Bill Clinton, again:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.
Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?

__________________________________________________
"Beware how you take away hope from another human being."
-Oliver Wendell Holmes

[Casie 0]

LMAO! Thanx!

~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!