Composition of people in skydiving :)

[vonSanta 0]

If one has to divide up people and nicely categorize them in groups, one then so be it.

A person can and usually does belong to more than one group.

There seems to be somewhat of a clear distinction between people at my club. Here's a quicke rundown that should be taken with a few grains of salt:

I flew rounds when you flew nappies people. These are the salt of the earth "I survived the 70s" sorta jumpers. They tend to be men in their 50's with the 'combover of the 90s', walking encyclopedias despite having burned more brain cells through partying than a truckload of ravers. They'll do style and precision and consider the essence of coolness to be big parafoils or tight lycra suits. They have more "shit, there I was" stories than a man suffering from chronic galopping diahrrea and tend to run the show at the DZ. You cannot outprank them, so don't try. They're survivors and Kings of their domains. Anything less than 10 cutaways in your career and you're still a wannabe newbie in their eyes. Listen to them carefully, then throw 90% of what they say away, reserving a special place in your mind for the remaining 10; this will help you survive.

There's the CRW dogs. Their favourite movie is Crocodile Dundee and their favourite statement is "you call THAT a hooknife?!" followed by ripping out a giant, custom made one with blades sharp enough to shave off. Some of them probably have done just that, too. A canopy ride less than 15 minutes ain't a canopy ride for these people, just a boring transporation from point A to point B. These people have lost enough shoes to keep Adidas in business for a few years.

The Belly Dancers, aka RW people is another group. Don't get in their way when they're dirt diving as they know how to swing those creepers pretty well. They're not jumping outta planes - they're "making coordinated, preplanned, high precision exits". Their dance in the air is as seductive as ther nickname suggests - and woe to the person who gets in their way. They tend to be just one point shy of a "20 average, had it not been for those f*cking freefliers yelling GOGOGOGOGO, interrupting our exit ritual". These are people Going Places and like some of the You Flew Nappies people they like really tight suits because it makes 'em look good. A teams performance is directly proportional to how colour coordinated they are, so expect Shit Hot looking skydivers.

The Flying Femurs is the next group. They'll gently attach strings to a napkin, fold it precisely and put it on their back. Then they'll jump off a plane, locate all the cameras from 3000 feet, spiral down and incredible speed, point the napking straight down and somehow level off an inch before the ground. They'll turf-surf right past at least 8 cameras, carving as they go, providing high fives all the way, overtake a Ferrari and come to a stop about two yards from the packing area. Not that they need one since The Napkin easily can be folded using two fingers. They don't count skydives but rather how many degrees of hookturn you've made in your skydiving career. Camera fliers tend to belong to this group.

Then there's the Total And Utter Goofballs, also called freefliers. For these people it's more important to look good than to win. They're the jesters of the DZ and if anything serious or mature exits their mouths it's either pure accident or followed by an asisine, juvenile and usually somewhat humorous comment. All have specially made jumpsuits which aid them in their quest for Ultimate Coolness. Anything that can fall with them, they bring with em into the sky. Cannot be trusted and tend to be as bad as the Flying Femurs when it comes to camera whoring. Tend to live as they fly - there's no telling what's up and down with 'em but at least one can be sure that they're not "doing it the traditional Missionary style".

The Funnelers/Corkers is another illustrious group, of which I am part of. However bad they mess up somewhat safely, these guys and girls will wear a shit eating grin and make comments such as "d00d! That was cool! Did you see me go up into a stand, right before I corked and sorta lost you?". When they funnel an RW exit, they'll laugh, flap their arms and afterburn their way into another funnel. ATC usually find a "group" of these people in different control zones, which isn't bad considering their tendency to be anywhere but where they should be. Can usually be recognized by their sprangly multicoloured 90s used gear. Despite not really being wanted by either the RW people or the FF ones, the aforementioned groups will tug and pull to "convert" these aspiring wannabes to "The Cause".

The Wee Ones are the students. Usually a mixture of the aforementioned groups will take their turn filling these up and coming skydivers with horror stories and suggestions of technique that are horredously complicated. These people are easily identifiable by their Deer Caught In Headlights eyes. Their enthusiam, however, is surpassed by nothing, except perhaps their apprehension. They're also good targets for people migrating into the Flying Femurs group, as these students will need a rig sooner or later. A student close to getting his certificate is easy to identify; he or she is very big and tall next to one time jumpers but shrinks considerably when one of the Old Dawgs starts barking.

The Sofa Adventurers, aka tandem passengers makes up the last group. Usually can be found surrounded by an adoring family greatly impressed and worried about the soon-to-come endevour of their loved one. gets white in the face when "Blood on the risers" is sung on the ride up but eagerly accepts reassuring comments such as "don't worry, you'll come down" and "you TM may be an alcoholic, but he hasn't had that much to drink yet". Once landed, these people act either as invigorated springs with grins the size of Alaska on their faces or as people who've just found out the last steak they had was made from a pregnant yak.

What have I missed? Add more if you have.

Santa Von GrossenArsch
I only come in one flavour
ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

[smiles 0]

your quick rundown is very amusing!
When comparing to my d.z. I can clearly recognize the groups you have described so well.
You are definitely missing a #1 group though....the skydivin, birdmen, BASE jumpers.

SMiles

eustress. : a positive form of stress having a beneficial effect on health, motivation, performance, and emotional well-being.

[chronistin 0]

*ROTFL*

[And its not easy to make me laugh on a monday morning!]

Chronistin
(Home @ http://www.fallschirmspringer.net/)

[katiebear21 0]

NOICE!!!

You definitely have to come up with one for the bird people though!

Katie
Get your PMS glass necklace here

[pa2themd 0]

LOL!!! Thanks just what I needed to cheer up my day

"Most of us can read the writing on the wall; we just assume it's
addressed to someone else!" Ivern Ball

[Pia 0]

Brilliant!

**Those who refuse to live and learn simply exist**

[Fast 0]

lmao

~D
Where troubles melt like lemon drops Away above the chimney tops That's where you'll find me.
Swooping is taking one last poke at the bear before escaping it's cave - davelepka

[vonSanta 0]

Alrighty, two additions. Am sure I've forgotten some group. Will add when I find out.

Feathered Ones. These are peculiar creatures indeed. They're all honorary members of Monty Python's Funny Walk group and their grace on land is comparable to that of penguins. All are chronic sufferers of BES (Bird Envy Syndrome) and it is illustrated in their behaviour - they claim to be flyinginstead of falling, and they flock rather than do RW, vRW or tracking dives. Careful observers of this species will note they also dye their excrement white and black. Their goal in life is to extend freefall extend flight from 13000 feet to over 4 minutes and land in their PenguinSuits. Skydivers should stay away from wearing these suits as it is rumoured that microscopic needles in the suits inject drugs that cause serious addiction.

Another group is the Jumpship Deficient Lemmings one, although they prefer to be known under their cool sounding acronym B.A.S.E. Their motto appears to be "BASE - when dying just ain't enough". These critters have regressed unwittingly into the student stage and eagerly don huge F111 canopies, forgetting in their childish exuberance that reserves might come in handy. They tend to, like the proverbial lemming, hurl themselves off things - mostly because it impresses the chicks and very effeminate men. None of them know this because all of them are insane. An interesting biological fact is that all BASE jumpers have only three brain cells - one is quadraplegic and the other two are fighting over who's turn it is to push the thirds wheelchair. This has an odd benefit however; when Death walks toward them, the little brain activity there is cause them to try to rip his nipples off, so strangely enough there are some who've managed to procreate.

Santa Von GrossenArsch
I only come in one flavour
ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

[manifestbitch 0]

lmfao,