Bytch's best boy bashing stress reliever

[skybytch 273]

Hurt? Angry? Upset? Want to beat the everloving shit out of that asshole who never calls or just dumped you?

Don't risk jail time for assault and battery. Just follow the Bytch's foolproof plan for getting rid of all that anger and tension.

1) Open your refrigerator. You should have a stalk of celery in the crisper. Remove it from the plastic bag and place it on the counter.

2) Take a deep breath.

3) Break off a piece from the stalk. Hold it at it's base with your dominant hand.

4) Stand in front of the counter with the celery holding hand at your side.

5) Raise the celery as high as you can above your head.

6) Imagine the asshole's face on the counter.

7) Commence beating the everloving shit out of him/her. Don't stop til the piece of celery is a piece of green stringy mush.

8) Feel better? No? Break off another piece from the stalk. Repeat steps 3 - 7 until you do feel better, or until you're out of celery.

If you do feel better after obliterating the first piece, you weren't nearly upset enough to need this exercise; STFU and go have a beer.

You're welcome.

[eeneR 3]

OHMIGOD...I am sitting here almost peeing my pants....I must print this out and keep it on my fridge!!!!

I think this is worthy of a mass emailing...ya know, pass this to 10 of your female friends kinda thing...or else you will have bad luck for 7 years,...

eeneR grabs keys and runs to the grocery store for 5 lbs of celery

Celery juice anyone?

She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Information Superhighway."
eeneR
TF#72, FB#4130, Incauto

[hungarianchick 0]

Sounds good to me, but celery?!!!!!!

"I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food."

[Spy38W 0]

Hrm, suddenly I'm having second thoughts about stopping at Sebastian on my trip home next week...

--
Hook high, flare on time

[skybytch 273]

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but celery?!!!!!!

Yeah, why not? It makes an excellent squishy noise when you smack it hard against the counter.

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suddenly I'm having second thoughts about stopping at Sebastian

Why? Were you planning on laying on my kitchen counter while you're here?

[Spy38W 0]

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suddenly I'm having second thoughts about stopping at Sebastian

Why? Were you planning on laying on my kitchen counter while you're here?

[DaGimp 0]

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Why? Were you planning on laying on my kitchen counter while you're here?

may i?

"Professor of Pimpology"~~~Bolas

[happythoughts 0]

So... in general... how much celery do you go through in a week?

Even though it sounds odd, I like to eat celery and peanut butter. Fill up that little trough with pb and enjoy. (Only works with good, crunchy celery)

[vonSanta 0]

You're such a nice, friendly person.

And I say that with no sarcasm intended. or anyway, none that you should read into it


Annnyways....think I need to go for a runnnnn.

Santa Von GrossenArsch
I only come in one flavour
ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

[WrongWay 0]

Sounds like a great idea, but wouldn't tenderizing a big steak with your fists be a little more realistic? I bet the blood on my hands would make me feel a bit better.......

Wrong Way
D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451
The wiser wolf prevails.

[wildblue 7]

I'm much too lazy for that... can I just put stuff in a blender instead? Maybe one of those juicer machine thingies... that way I can be violent AND healthy!

eww... celery juice... I'll stick to beer.

it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

[Keith 0]

I love you Bytch

Keith

Don't Fuck with me Keith - J. Mandeville

[AirMail 0]

My ex told my that her aunt once said that if you are mad enough to throw something at him, go ahead, make sure you just barely miss him. He'll get the point. I've been just barely missed a lot of times.

Postal Rodriguez

--
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
Postal Rodriguez, Muff 3342

[rhino 0]

bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

[Jasmin 0]

Reminds me of something once told:

The difference between single and attatched women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.

Attatched women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge!

xj

"I wouldn't recommend picking a fight with the earth...but then I wouldn't recommend picking a fight with a car either, and that's having tried both."

[flyangel2 2]

Well I was out of town when this was posted. Sounds like my girlfriends needed a hug.
Hope it's not too late to send one your way.

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[skybytch 273]

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Hope it's not too late to send one your way.

It's never the wrong time for a hug.
But I posted this one more for other people than for me... not enough people know about the power of celery.

[flyangel2 2]

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It's never the wrong time for a hug.

<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[Casch 0]

I've heard that you burn more calories eating celery than to actually get from the celery...you're right, the power of celery is underestimated

(but that's only if you don't smother it with peanut-butter first... )

[happythoughts 0]

Now that she has posted her treatment of celery, I am wondering if this is just a Freudian slip having to do with stalkers? I, for one, will be more respectful.



edited for spelling

[eeneR 3]

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But I posted this one more for other people than for me... not enough people know about the power of celery.

Yes...and thank you again for sharing this seceret....and having me laughing so hard I was crying and almost peed myself

snicker

Mary...hugs are always welcome...good times and bad

She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Information Superhighway."
eeneR
TF#72, FB#4130, Incauto