BBKid 0 #1 November 7, 2003 OK, so a lot of people reading might not really get it, but here goes anyway! Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What's it?" It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people." God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small, populated area in the landmass of Great Britain and said, "What's that?" "Ah," said God. "That's Greater Manchester, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams, and hills, great music and world dominating football teams. The people from Greater Manchester are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!" God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the lazy, thieving bastards I'm putting next to them in Merseyside." Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mikemc 0 #2 November 7, 2003 I get it being a manc! Dont know why your positng it though being a scou....erm liverpudlian!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
goose491 0 #3 November 7, 2003 Hahaha! Someone told me that joke yesterday... 'cept it was CANADA with the peace & beauty, the good people, the lakes and rivers, the mountains and prairies... and the loud-mouth, obnoxious, violent neighboors to the south. lol My Karma ran over my Dogma!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #4 November 7, 2003 Screw you and shut up or we'll kick your ass. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #5 November 7, 2003 Oh...I got it. __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bean 0 #6 November 7, 2003 We can't kick Canada's ass, the National Guard has a potluck this weekend and none of the others care..... Actually, I'm a huge fan of the Canadian Ballet... Go Private Eye's!!! Miss that place.... Swoo Rodriguez #1020, LawnDart, AR #007 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GARYC24 3 #7 November 7, 2003 >A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?", she asks. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says. "It's taken the edge off my appetite." At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires. He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food." Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe a microwave pizza or a tasty stir-fry that would only take a couple of minutes?"He declines. "Naw, still not hungry." "Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up? I'm starving." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TaeKwonDoDo 0 #8 November 7, 2003 The Holy Land... __________________________________________ A guy goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law and the mother-in-law dies while they are there. They go to the local undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home, but that it'll cost over $5000, whereas they can bury her in the Holy Land for only $150. The guy says, "We'll ship her home." The undertaker asks, "Are you sure? That's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here." The guy says, "Look - 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead... I just can't take that chance." __________________________________________ Hehehe - Jeff "That's not flying, it's falling with style." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFKING 4 #9 November 7, 2003 A priest, a doctor, and an engineer are playing golf with the head greenskeeper, when they come up on a slow-moving group playing in front of them. After play has slowed to a snail's pace for several holes, the doctor asks the greenskeeper "Why are these guys so slow ? Can't you tell them to speed up, or let us play through ?" The greenskeeper replies "That's a special group of guys -- they're firefighters. Two years ago, our clubhouse caught on fire, and they were all blinded while fighting the blaze. So now we let them play for free whenever they want to." The group is humbled, and embarrassed by their earlier exasperation. The priest says "That is such a touching story. I'm going to use it in my sermon this week, and I'm also going to pray every night that their sight be restored to them." The doctor says "That is such a heart-warming story -- I'm going to contact all my collegues around the world, and see if we can come up with a cure for their condition." The engineer says "Why can't these guys play at night ?" &"When in doubt I whip it out, I got me a rock-and-roll band. It's a free-for-all." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
