n2skdvn 0 #1 December 3, 2003 things you should know about new orleans N'AWLINS (New Orleans to you out-of-towners) If you come to New Orleans, you better say it right. It's pronounced "N'awlenz". No one from here says "New Orleens" unless they are writing a song or they want their ass kicked. It's hot. It's humid. It rains. Those are the only 3 weather patterns we have here. No one eats healthy. Fried Batter is actually a menu item in some restaurants. Giving directions to a non-local in New Orleans is a waste of time. Every street intersects with each other. No two streets run parallel to each other. The West Bank is actually East of the city. It would take too long to explain. 1 out of 3 street names are impossible to pronounce unless you were born in New Orleans, or you are a Cajun. If the levee breaks, everyone here will die. No one seems worried about this problem either. There are 365 days in the year. There are 414 parties/festivals in New Orleans. (That's just on a slow month). Then how come no one ever leaves? ----------READ ON---------- LOUISIANA DRIVING RULES 1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels. 2. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Louisiana driver never uses them. Use of them in New Orleans may be illegal. 3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow". 4. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. (Reason: no insurance) ----------READ ON---------- SOUTHERN ADVICE If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you! should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a towchain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them; just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Don't buy food at this store. Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big ol' truck or 'big ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it. Be advised that 'He needed killin' is a valid defense here. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there. Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen and that their Mammas taught them how to shoot. The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes ... The South has 'mater samiches. The North has coffee houses ... The South has Waffle Houses. The North has dating services ... The South has family reunions. The North has switchblade knives ... The South has Lee Press-on Nails. The North has double last names ... The South has double first names. The North has Ted Kennedy ... The South has Edwin Edwards. The North has an ambulance ... The South has an am-a-lance. The North has Cream of Wheat ... The South has grits. The North has green salads ... The South has collard greens. The North has lobsters ... The South has crawfish. AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call them biscuits.if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN my site Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #2 December 3, 2003 QuoteIf you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a towchain will be along shortly Tis much better to get towed by the skyvan. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yoshi 0 #3 December 3, 2003 LMAO!...I jsut moved from Indianapolis to Houston and it is kinda similar...funny stuff -yoshi_________________________________________ this space for rent. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
n2skdvn 0 #4 December 3, 2003 QuoteTis much better to get towed by the skyvan. now who would do such a thing???if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN my site Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #5 December 3, 2003 ROTFLMAO!!! Kreg I'll bet most who read that post think you're exaggerating and little do they know how true it really is. Since I moved away, now they call me a "damn Yankie"...LOL I'm so homesick I CANT STAND IT!!! _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slappie 9 #6 December 3, 2003 QuoteI'll bet most who read that post think you're exaggerating and little do they know how true it really is. This is so true.. I would say 90% of that "joke post" is a warning to be taken seriously by people visiting from foreign states (north of the Mason Dixon line) "Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tinfoil 0 #7 December 4, 2003 Haha, that funny nice post “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ” Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheRus 0 #8 December 4, 2003 Bless yer ever-lovin soul fer postin them-there guidelines fer edjukatin the Yankee folk! LMAO... that was great Kreg, and dead-on too! Looking forward to seeing you again down at Moss Point for the next Mardi Gras Boogie... I still owe beer from my last trip down, but this time I'll leave the family at home so I can pay up! Yeah, it's fine, we'll walk down the line. Leave our rain, a cold trade for warm sunshine You my friend, I will defend... and if we change, well, I love you anyway Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Viking 0 #9 December 4, 2003 LMFAOx10 QuoteDo not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen and that their Mammas taught them how to shoot. *puffs up chest* 8 years oldI swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
