Jayruss 0 #1 December 15, 2003 December 1st TO: All EMPLOYEES I'm happy to announce that the company Christmas Party will be on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols.....feel free to sing along. Don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and to all your family. Patty Lewis Human Resources Director ***************************** December 2nd TO: ALL EMPLOYEES In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kanagawa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. Happy Holidays to you and your family. Patty Lewis Human Resources Director ******************************* December 3rd TO: ALL EMPLOYEES Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that read, "AA Only", you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange. No gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money. Patty Lewis Human Researchers Director **************************** December 7th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men: each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table, too. Happy now? Patty Lewis Human Racehorses Director ***************************** December 9th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES People, people....nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan", there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." Patty Lewis Human Ratraces ********************************* December 10th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES Vegetarians- - -I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not. You can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death", as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But , you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now. Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me??!! Those of you who are not satisfied with these arrangements and ........off! The Bitch from Hell *********************** December 14th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meanwhile, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Terri Bishop Acting Human Resources Director __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casie 0 #2 December 15, 2003 giving high blood pressure another meaning................OMG people!~Porn Kitty WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
souleh 0 #3 December 15, 2003 Too right! And I love that avatar Casie.. so cute! 'buttplugs? where?' - geno Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kai2k1 0 #4 December 15, 2003 LOL, Funny but almost true. There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bvsdjumper 0 #5 December 15, 2003 December 2nd has already happened where I work. It used to be the Christmas Party (and that's what alot of people still call it), but now it's the Holiday Gala. --ArtSky-div'ing (ski'div'ing) n. A modern sport that involves parties, bragging, sexual excesses, the imbibing of large quantities of beer, and, on rare occasions, parachuting from aircraft. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #6 December 15, 2003 December 15th To: ALL REPOSTERS __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites